Midnight Burritos

Who Wants Some Humble Pie?

2010-10-09T18:16:00.000-07:00

So...I've been meaning to write again for some time now. And you would think that I'd have much to say after not posting anything for nearly two months. But I feel that if I just did another recap about my life, I'd bore you with a rerun episode.

I suppose I could share with you what God shared with me a few days ago.

To give a prelude to my point, last Monday I auditioned for a part in the Living Christmas Tree (a performance that our school puts on every year at the end of the fall semester). My only desire was to sing, because that's what I love to do. Well, the cast list was posted on Thursday afternoon, and while I may get to be a part of the show, I am merely in the dance chorus. I was fairly disappointed and angry (almost livid) the remainder of the day.

You see, I've known the drama and choir director for 5 & 1/2 years and have been auditioning for solos and parts ever since we met: and I have always come out disappointed with the results. For awhile I never received anything. Then a couple times I got a solo, but they weren't ones that I had auditioned for, nor ones that I really wanted.

I was almost certain that I would get one this time around. After all, my choir director has done nothing but praise me for my progress over the past 5 & 1/2 years. Surely this audition would go to my favor...more disappointment. I can't say that I was very nice or humble last Thursday, and I wasn't afraid to vocalize my frustration. I even considered not doing the show just because I didn't get what I wanted.

The next couple of days God pointed me to a couple of passages that really made me feel good about myself, the first one being Philippians 2:14-15,

"Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe."

I can tell you that I definitely did not shine like a star on Thursday...at all. And then I read 1 Peter 5:5-7,

"...All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.' Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

It felt like someone was shoving an entire humble pie down my throat after reading that (still does every time). I felt so awful for not only feeling angry, but especially for the way I expressed my anger. God had to tell me that it was O.k. for me to be upset, but that it was not O.k. that I voiced my anger to other people instead of to him, especially in the manner that I did it. I can't help the emotions that I felt. But I became proud in my anger, thinking that, after all this time, I deserved to have better.

But after the way I responded, I don't deserve to have anything. So I have decided that, while I am still a bit disappointed, 1) it's O.k. to feel disappointment, and 2) I will do the show and with (hopefully) great humility, not dwelling on what I didn't get, but rather, enjoying what I have the privilege of doing (although I can't say I know how to dance). And I will, from now on, work to express all future anger and frustration and disappointment to God first.

Summer's Gone for the School Year

2010-08-24T17:35:00.000-07:00

Well this week has been quite a ride. I had intended on posting a new blog last weekend, but unfortunately and very stupidly I left my laptop in Abilene, TX when I left for school. Thankfully, I noticed only two hours after I arrived in Joplin (ten hours after I departed from Abilene). But my parents came to the rescue and shipped my laptop to me. It arrived yesterday afternoon, just in time for classes, which started today.

But anyway, on to what I really wanted to blog about. At the end of my internship I was required to type a 500 word reflection about my summer for the OCC website, so I'm going to post just that:

This summer has been quite the experience, to say the least. It was more than just a summer filled with great experiences. It was God-ordained, from the very beginning to the very end. He appointed me to Trinity Church in Lubbock, TX for the summer of 2010.

Going into the summer I was very lost and weak (physically, emotionally, and spiritually). Sophomore year proved to be a great challenge for me and it exhausted every ounce of energy I could muster. When the end of spring semester started to narrow down, I was presented with what I saw as a new obstacle. I began to contemplate switching majors, from music to church counseling (two degrees on complete opposite ends of the spectrum) and it ate away at my mind like crazy. I had invested two full years of school solely on music, and now I wasn’t sure if I was misled or not from the beginning. Plus, I had never really considered counseling, and all of a sudden, I was considering counseling. I became very discouraged.

But from day one of working at Trinity Church, God reassured to me that he had everything under control and that he had a plan for me. It took him awhile to tell me what the big plan was, but then again, I had a lot to recover from in due time.

Within the first couple of weeks, God’s healing over me (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) was absolutely remarkable. I had many self-inflicted wounds that I wasn’t even aware of until God reopened them so that he could heal them completely. And I fell in love all over again. The Holy Spirit became real to me again. After being so dry for so long, I was filled again. Again. And again. And again. Over and over, God revealed himself to me. I have never been so aware of God’s presence and prayer has never been easier. God was very direct in his leading and prayer after prayer was answered in such profound ways. There were times when my heart felt it was physically going to erupt in my chest. Every time I breathed in, my lungs and airways felt so full of the Holy Spirit’s presence that I knew I was going to burst. But every time I breathed out, I felt like I wasn’t getting enough. It was a feeling of complete satisfaction and at the same time such hunger for more.

If I had to sum up this summer into one word, it would be this: Profound. Everything God ever did and said was absolutely profound. What I initially thought was an obstacle ended up being a remarkable opportunity. God could never ask me to give up music, but he has given me a new direction: acquiring a Bachelor’s in Psychology and Counseling and an Associates in Church Music. I have never been so grateful, so in love, and so amazed at what God has done. Thank you, Jesus.

Oh. And I have a boyfriend now. His name is Daniel Baker and he is absolutely wonderful. (I didn't write this in my essay, but I wanted to share the news)

Hot Topics

2010-08-04T18:42:00.000-07:00

The past few weeks Trinity Church has been going through a series titled "Hot Topics." Last week, Pastor Carl (the Senior pastor) had the privilege of preaching on the hot topic of...sex...on my birthday...I am no longer a teenager...what a way to start off my first day of adulthood.

I couldn't tell you what sex is like, but I would like to briefly share some things Pastor Carl said about sex...that is, if you're comfortable enough to read on.

Pastor Carl opened the message by reading Song of Solomon (which, by the way, is the first book in the Bible written about sex) 4:1-4. The writer here is describing the beauty of his lover starting with her eyes, moving to her hair, then her teeth and lips, then to her cheeks, and down to her neck, and then...if you'd like to find out the rest, you are more than welcome to open your Bible and start reading with verse five.

As any good ol' Christian knows, sex was designed for married peoples. Culture seems to disagree. And the church doesn't like to talk about it. Or as Carl liked to put it in his three approaches to sex:

1) The world pornophies it (sex is degraded)

2) The church prudifies it (sex is distorted)

3) The Word purifies it (sex is dignified)

The point that I would like to target, here, is point 2. I mean, sure, Christians will preach on sex and tell you that it was made for marriage and that it's a wonderful thing...but outside of marriage, sex is ugly, gross, nasty, sick, and you'll be condemned if you even dare think about it! I'd beg to differ. It's to my understanding, not from personal experience, that sex is great whether within or without marriage. The only difference is that, within marriage, sex is right. And without marriage, sex is wrong (not sex itself, but the act of it). Song of Solomon shows us that our sexuality is not something that we should be ashamed of, but rather, is something that we should respect.

Pastor Carl made this point (which I personally think was the golden point of the sermon): The desire for sex reminds us that we are not self-sufficient and it should drive us to want intimate relationship, not only with our spouse, but with God...

Wanting sex should bring us closer to God. The church tries to tell us that sex is dirty and that we should feel guilty for being human and for having human impulses. I don't want to have pre-marital sex. It's against God's command and would be disrespectful, not only to me, but to my partner. But that doesn't mean...and I am not ashamed to say this...that I do not want to have sex. Personally, I look forward to my wedding night.

There are three things the Bible says about sex:

1) Sex is God's gift in marriage.

2) Sex is a command. Gen. 1:28a, "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful...'

3) Married couples are to have lots of it. Gen. 1:28b, "'...and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.'" As Pastor Carl said, "A busy bed is a secure marriage."

The Bible encourages sexual freedom, not freedom from boundaries, but freedom to express your love for your spouse within a healthy marriage.

So here are the rules: don't have sex outside of marriage, not because sex is bad or gross, but because it's wrong to do outside of marriage. Also, don't feel guilty if and when you have human impulses, because you're human, as long as your desires make you want to be closer to God.

A Summer Worth Experiencing

2010-07-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

So today I had my worst experience of the Summer thus far...

I arrive home from work, as always, no later than 5:15. I unlock the door, walk in, and I hear a constant, yet slightly faint beeping. Two seconds later it registers in my mind that the alarm is going off (slight panic attack). I call Rhonda. No one picks up (worry). All of a sudden, what seems like sirens from within the house start blaring! I attempt to call Stephen and had to step outside just so I could hear the phone ringing. He doesn't pick up. Try again. Second time is a success. Stephen gives me the code to turn off the alarm, all the while, the security people (or whomever they are) are calling the house phone. I ignore the call still trying to turn off the blasted alarm.

Finally there is silence and my heart is racing and thanking God that no policemen have showed up...not yet that is. Stephen arrives home, finally, from work and assures me that all is well...and then the policemen show up. I'm so glad Stephen was there to explain that they have a guest living in their house during the Summer and that I'm not some burglar trying to barge in.

Apparently Rhonda set the alarm when she left the house earlier today assuming that she would be back at some point to turn it off before I got home. That did not happen.

But last weekend I had one of my best experiences of the Summer thus far...

I went to Amarillo to visit a friend for a couple of days and the morning I was to leave we sat out on the front porch and talked away just before my departure. When we first went out, there was a fog and it was chilly enough to wear a jacket. As the conversation continued, we began to to discuss God and time, and the powers of the Holy Spirit and the deeper our conversation got, the more the sun began to shine...literally! It was truly an unexpected and very emotional experience. Something in those moments with each other happened and it was hard to not feel the Holy Spirit's presence. I can't explain it, but I had never felt so close to God in my entire life. And it was more than just a sensation, there was something so real and nearly physical that took place in my body.

Have you ever felt that for a moment or two you weren't bound by time? I know. It's a crazy concept. Our culture today thrives off of time. It's so precious to us. But there is something about getting close with God that takes you away from the world's idea of "reality" and you begin to experience this ultimate and spiritual reality. And because God is not bound by time and because He is all powerful, He is able to remove us from our bondage of time and can allow us to experience the fullness of His presence. I can't explain it, but what felt like a mere thirty minutes of such rich conversation actually ended up being a shocking two hours.

And it didn't stop there. The drive from Amarillo to Lubbock is just under two hours. For the first full hour home, I just talked to God. And I mean I talked to Him. He didn't respond with an audible voice, and I didn't have this formulated prayer to present to Him. I just talked as need, after desire, after person, after event, after worry and fear were brought to mind. I have never found it so easy to talk to God and for that length of time. I expressed all emotions that I felt. And God answered by giving me His "peace which transcends all understanding." He showed me that the beauty of His creation is...simply beautiful. He answered by steadying my heart rate and by letting His Spirit swell so much in me that I couldn't contain any tears.

Now, for those of you who know me well enough, I typically do not like to express a ton of emotion (especially any emotions that involve tears). I don't like to cry in front of people at all. But there is something so freeing when I am able to shed my tears in front of God.

The rest of the drive I was silent. But God's presence never left me. I was simply at a loss for words. And once again, I felt that I was outside the barriers of time. God was with me and nothing else mattered. I wish that I could fully express or even fully understand what happened to me that day. But I can promise you that it changed me completely. I have never felt so hungry, and at the same time, never so satisfied.

I guess what I would like to encourage is to not limit yourself when you go into God's presence.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, and with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Love that Makes the Soul Flourish

2010-07-05T17:23:00.000-07:00

So I've been thinking to myself all weekend, "Man, I really need to post another blog." And as my mind wandered, trying to think about what to write next, nothing came to mind. So I logged in hoping to automatically think of something and I noticed my fellow blogger friends had some new posts, so I read those, again, hoping for something to spark. Nothing. Thanks for the inspiration guys.

The past five days have been...awesome, for lack of better words. The Cox's had a few family members come in for the week and they did a bunch of day trips together while I was at work. Lame.

There was one day trip, however, that I did not get to miss out on (thank you half day Thursdays!)...Palo Duro Canyon. Palo Duro is just outside of Amarillo, about a two hour drive from Lubbock. To start off our venture in the canyon, we went horseback riding (which left my inner thighs bruised for the next two days since it's only been eight or nine years that I've been on a horse), followed by a gourmet steak dinner just outside of the amphitheater (I ended up eating the chicken), and we finished off with seeing the play "Texas," right in the middle of the canyon. What we didn't know, until at the time, was that there would be a double finish to our outing...fireworks! Being that it was three days before July fourth, they (I don't really know who "they" are. The people running the show I suppose...) decided to display a special Fourth of July firework show after every performance that weekend, starting that night! What a treat. We got in at 1:30 that morning and I slept in til 10...which is really late for me (if I ever sleep in past nine, I feel like I'm wasting my life away).

The rest of the weekend was spent mainly at the house, just chilling. Us ladies, with a few other friends, got our nails done one day. My parentals and sister and brother came in for a few hours on Saturday and we ate at Buns Over Texas. Best cheese fries of my life. And you want to know what I did for my big Fourth of July extravaganza? Hot nothing...except for church, that is, which was actually at our youth center just down the street from the main campus. We had A LOT of rain last weekend from the hurricane. Lubbock is a flat and dry town. Put two and two together and what do you get?? A flood. The entire church parking lot was completely flooded, amongst other parts of town. You would have to use a canoe to get to the main entrance.

And today the offices were closed due to the holiday season. I got my oil changed this morning and afterwards went to go look at getting a new battery, but the battery place was closed, so I went about my business, planning to get my battery business done sometime this week when I have the time. Then I went out to lunch with a couple of friends...and my car died in the restaurant parking lot. How inconvenient! Stephen Cox came and rescued me and we're hoping the battery place will be open tomorrow morning on my way to work...that is if my car starts in the morning. Here's hopin!

But anyway (or as Charlie would say, "But on a serious note"), all that to say, the Cox family, among select staff members at Trinity Church, will be the reason it is going to be so hard for me to leave at the end of the Summer. And not just because we made day trips together or worked side by side in the office, but because I have established some life long friendships here.

In John Ortberg's The Me I Want to Be (I know. I've mentioned him several times in the past few posts. But I finished the book finally, so this is the last time I'll mention it...no promises), he writes a chapter on making life-giving relationships a top priority. I couldn't summarize this chapter into better words as he:

"Part of what it means to be made in God's image is our capacity for connectedness, because God created human beings and then said, 'It isn't good for man to be alone.'" We thrive off of people's love for us. We need love to live. There was a point in my life when I felt I had no true friends and I had this constant awareness that I was, not alone, but lonely. All the time. And it ate me up inside for eight years. That's a long time to experience loneliness. I understand that God is my best friend and He is all I truly need, but it takes the love of people to experience the love of God sometimes...a lot of the time actually.

But it's not just other people loving us that we need. We need to love other people, too, not only because it's a command from God, but because loving people gives us joy and value. Ortberg said, "When we work to truly notice someone else, love for them grows. When we work to truly observe another person, in that self-forgetfulness our own soul flourishes."

Our souls will flourish: they will be in a vigorous state, in their prime, at the height of excellence. They will prosper, grow luxuriantly, thrive in growth, as a plant. Now that is something to experience at the expense of love.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is, There is Freedom

2010-06-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

The Holy Spirit is God. (Gasp!)

Yes, I am going to be the one to touch on the subject that tends to make some people squirm in their seats. What I don't understand is why the subject of the Holy Spirit is so uncomfortable and controversial. The Bible certainly isn't afraid to talk about him.

The Holy Spirit is not weird. He is supernatural. The definition of the adjective form of "supernatural," according to dictionary.com, is, "of, pertaining to, or being above or beyond what is natural; unexplainable of natural law or phenomena; abnormal." Yup. That sums up the Holy Spirit alright. I mean, you don't see miraculous healings taking place nowadays, or people being raised from the dead, or water being turned into blood or wine, or guys walking on water. That would be abnormal and weird.

This definition might sum up our feelings about the Holy Spirit, but I think the avoidance of him goes a little deeper. The definition of the word in its noun form is this, "direct influence of a deity on earthly affairs." Now, again, this is dictionary.com's definition of "supernatural", but when it comes to talking about the Holy Spirit, the first thing we must realize is that he is not a deity or an "it." The Holy Spirit is God...Going back to the definition: "direct influence..." Stop right there! Influence? The Holy Spirit is an influencer? Dictionary.com is so neat. The definition of the word "influence" is, "The capacity or power of persons or things to be a compelling force on or produce effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of others." And this is where we run away.

Our problem is that the idea of this supernatural being taking control of our lives scares us to the pits. But why? Because we are "normal" people who love to be in control. But as Christians we have to adopt this idea of surrender. In John Ortberg's The Me I Want to Be (I will be quoting much of him in this post) he says: "There is no way for a human being to come to God that does not involve surrender...Surrender is not a crutch for weak people who cannot handle life. Instead, surrender is the glad and voluntary acknowledgment that there is a God and it is not me."

But why must we surrender? "Jesus understood that if you want to experience victory, you must start in surrender. Surrender brings power, and the need to surrender is deeply tied to Jesus' offer of living in the flow of the Spirit. You receive power through the act of surrender that you cannot obtain any other way; you receive freedom through submission that you will otherwise never know." In Acts 2 Jesus promises his disciples that they would receive power when the Holy Spirit came upon them, and in 2 Corinthians 3 Paul explains that "where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Surrendering our will to God allows us to have these two great gifts: Power and freedom.

We cannot live without the Holy Spirit not only dwelling inside of us, but moving inside of us. "The only way to become the person God made you to be is to live with the Spirit of God flowing through you like a river of living water." It is to our benefit that we have the Spirit inside of us. Jesus explained to his disciples in John 14 that it was actually better he leave them so that he could send the "Counselor" to guide them. The Holy Spirit is for our benefit, not for his desire to obnoxiously control our every move.

We have completely cut the Spirit of God out of our spiritual lives. "A frequent problem in the way we talk about spiritual growth is that there s no much spirit in it--God's Holy Spirit, that is. Only God makes things grow, and that growth is not always predictable. Like a tree beginning to bud, growth always has surprise attached to it." It's a scary thing to give up control. We even control our prayer lives. We say we want God's will to take place, but we still ask that he give us what we ask for as if his opinion didn't matter. Now, God promises to give us the desires of our heart (Matt. 6:33), but we first have to completely surrender our will into his will beforehand. Surrender means seeking to handle a problem in a way that honors God. Surrender means losing your life so that you can gain a better one. In the end, you will find that nothing you lost was really worth keeping anyway.

If the idea of surrendering your will over to God's Holy Spirit still scares you, then you're in an ok spot. "If it is comfortable, it wouldn't e surrender."

Some people are afraid of giving up control because they don't want the Holy Spirit to make them do "weird" things. Well, I'd hate to tell you this, but that's just too bad. The Holy Spirit is a supernatural being that allows supernatural events to take place, and if you are willing, it will change your life for the better. I promise you that. You can't let the intimidation of being "weird" keep you from just having a Spirit-filled life. We have to move forward in having a Spirit-led life: constantly being filled with the Spirit and allowing him to guide our paths day-in and day-out, moment by moment.

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord's glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit" (2 Cor. 3:18).

The Holy Spirit is not weird. He is simply and amazingly supernatural. And the Holy Spirit is not a deity separate from God, but rather, he is God, who so graciously lives in us.

Living in Christ When Christ is Living in You

2010-06-16T20:55:00.000-07:00

Ah, to be back in the good ol' state of Texas. Texas is great. So is Chick-fil-a and Charlie Landis (ok, the last one is just alright.) This past week I was back in the not-so-great Northwest for the last time. The family is moving! They're literally on the road right now as I type. Where to you ask? Well, none other than the good ol' state of Texas! But not to Lubbock where I am currently for my internship, but to Abiline just three hours south of me. It's about time our family got out of that dreaded place called Washington!

Now I know you're probably thinking, "How could this girl hate a place so much?" First off, I don't hate the Northwest, I strongly dislike it. Second off, I have valid reasons: 1) It rains. A lot. YEAR ROUND! 2) Washington and Oregon are titled two of the most godless states in America. Yesterday my dad told me that Portland, OR was ranked the number two city in the nation as most depressing just last year. Now how on earth does anybody determine what makes a city depressing? By the number of anti-depressant drugs prescribed, divorce rates, and suicide rates. Seattle, WA is known for it's rain...and suicide rates. The Northwest is a wet and spiritually-deprived place. You can literally feel the thick and heaviness of sin.

And it got to me when I was there last week. Spiritually, I felt like I took three steps back. Now, it was a stressful enough week with my brother's graduation, my grandma's funeral, packing up the rest of the house for the move, and a friend's wedding...all in the course of seven days. Not to mention, I was sick the latter half of the week. No fun. But worst of all, I felt so distant from God. I wish I could blame it all on the Northwest, which technically I could, but I suppose that wouldn't exactly be fair. But just being in that environment caused me to hold back, to leave everything in, to almost come to a complete halt.

While I was home...excuse me, in the Northwest (for it is no longer my home!)...I became lazy and was several days behind in my daily devotions. When I finally acknowledged my fault, I picked up that little devotional book that my mom gave me last December and came across these profound words:

"Let Me help you get through this day. There are many possible paths to travel between your getting up in the morning and your lying down at night. Stay alert to the many choice-points along the way, being continually aware of My Presence. You will get through this day one way or the other. One way is to moan and groan, stumbling along with shuffling feet. This will get you to the end of the day eventually, but there is a better way. You can choose to walk with Me along the path of Peace, leaning on Me as much as you need. There will still be difficulties along the way, but you can face them confidently in My strength. Thank Me for each problem you encounter, and watch to see how I transform trials into blessings."

I have been slowly, but surely reading my way trough John Ortberg's The Me I Want to Be. One of the chapters discusses about moving with the flow of the Spirit in which he says, "I don't want to wait for circumstances to change in order to live the way I was meant to live." I so easily fell into this trap. Being here in Lubbock and doing this internship has made me feel so alive and refreshed and full of the Holy Spirit, but instead of taking all of that with me as I ventured back to Washington for the last time, I left it behind, knowing that I would pick it all back up when I came back. I was barely getting through each day, feeling unproductive, and feeling absolutely miserable. From the moment I stepped foot into the Portland airport, I anxiously anticipated the day I would get to leave.

To piggy-back off of Ortberg's quote, the point I'm trying to make is this: we can't allow our circumstances to determine the way we live. Acts 17:28 says, "For in him we live and move and have our being. As some of you own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'" If Christ is continually in us (which he is) and if we live in him, then our circumstances (or environments) shouldn't influence our living patterns (do as I say, not as I do.) I know that I obviously am not a prime example of this, but we all learn from our mistakes.

If you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, then he is in you right now and he will never leave or forsake you. Now go live for him.

Another Year, Another Summer

2010-06-04T15:45:00.001-07:00

This has officially been the longest I have ever waited to write a new post. Why? Don't ask. I don't have a reason. I'm busy. I'm lazy. I forget things easily. And I know that all of you dedicated fans out there have been eagerly waiting for a new post. Well, here it is....

A week and six days ago I arrived in Lubbock, Texas for my summer internship. I started working the next day. It took me awhile to get into the swing of things, and I think it was because I was so burnt our from finals week, to singing in a friends wedding, to driving 9 hours to Lubbock. Speaking of finals...ish, I got a 3.8 to end the semester with and I made the Dean's list for the second semester in a row (last semester I had a 3.9, which is the highest my gpa has ever been in my entire life). And this last semester was my hardest one yet, so I'm pretty pumped with the results! Another year at Ozark has successfully gone by and I am now officially an upperclassman in college.

Back to Lubbock...I am interning in the Worship and Creative Arts department at Trinity Church and I have loved every moment of it thus far! Most of the work I've done so far has just been office work, but I have had the opportunity to lead worship for the college group on Tuesday nights and will continue to do so throughout the Summer, and I had my first guitar lesson ever. My fingers still kind of tingle, but yesterday they were burning as if someone slapped my fingers in between two hot plates of a straightening iron. At some point I'll pick up the drums, and lead worship for the entire congregation (Trinity is a mega-church of about 4000 members), amongst other music things. The people here are absolutely wonderful, and especially wonderful is the family I'm living with: the Cox's.

Rhonda Cox used to work for my dad when we lived in Lubbock 10 years ago. Her and her husband, Stephen, have three daughters: Taylor (14), Sydnee (9), and Rylee (6). In all honesty, when I first found out who I would be living with, I thought the experience might be overwhelming, but it has been far from. I like being a big sister! I only have one sibling of the five I have who is younger than me...and he's a boy...Sydnee and Rylee both told me the second day I was here that they were going to be very sad when I left at the end of the summer. They both also made me beautiful crafts at art camp this week. Taylor and I have had many good conversations getting to know each other and are planning on spending some time together tonight at Starbucks and then the movies. Stephen and Rhonda are pretty great, too. I couldn't ask for a better family to live with (not to mention, not only do I have my own room with a walk-in closet, but I also have my own bathroom, a luxury I have never had until now).

This past week I took the time to read a new book, Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel. In a nutshell, Groeschel writes about people who "believe in God, but live as if He doesn't exist." One of my favorite chapters was one titled "When You Believe in God but Still Worry All the Time." In my early blogging days, I wrote a post about worrying being a sin. Not to my surprise, Craig agrees with me. This is a topic that really hits home for me because, as some of you who know me well enough, or who have at least read some of my earlier posts, I can tend to be a worry-wart. But as Groeschel so put it, "Worry indicates we're not willing to let God handle certain things--at least not in his way, and certainly not in his time." He then quoted Mattew 6:27, "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" and finished by saying, "I wonder how many hours of worry has shaved off the end of my life? (Now I'm really worried.)"

Worrying, as Christians, becomes an issue of trust. It discredits the power of God (wrongfully so!) It's like telling God, "I know that I have no control over this situation, but instead of giving it to you, all powerful, trustworthy, awesome God, I'm going to sit here and worry. It's the last thing that I have any control over, so instead of giving you any control, I'll just worry." Rather than sitting around and worrying the sweat out of us, Groeschel coined, "We still have responsibility to do what we can, but doing what we can't isn't ours anymore." Whenever we begin to worry, that should be a read flag that it's time to pray. Do what you can, and then bring your worry to God, trusting that He is not only in control, but that He will take care of the situation, and just that revelation alone should bring such a peace about you.

As brief as this post is, I hope it satisfies some of you until the next time I blog (which will not be two months from now, I promise!)

Formulaic Relationship

2010-04-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

I feel that this blog has made me a very apologetic person...I'm sorry that, this time around, it has been longer than a month since my last post. You already know (those of you who actually read my posts consistently) that this year has been a tough one. Last semester hit me hard emotionally, but this semester has nailed me academically. This has been my toughest semester at Ozark yet, in regards to schoolwork. All that to say...I have been really busy since my last post.

I am in Principles of Interpretation this semester, which is a class that basically teaches you how to exegete Scripture. It's not a hard class, it's just a lot of work. For this class we have to pick a passage of Scripture and, well, exegete it, find out the original meaning of the text and learn how we can apply it to ourselves today. Anywho, it's a major project that you work on over the course of the semester and it was due last week. All that to say...I have been really busy since my last post working on my Principles project.

Miraculously, however, I managed to find some time to read a book. Last spring I read four 300+ page novels. Last semester I read one, which I started at the end of the summer. I just recently finished one, that is barely over 200 pages, which I bought last Thanksgiving, and finally picked up more than halfway through this semester. All that to say...I have been really busy. Period.

Anyway, back to this book. I just recently finished Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller. I've only read one other book by him (Blue Like Jazz), but this one I just read is the definate fave of the two and is one of my new favorite books out of all books I've read. It is one of two books that I have underlined or highlighted throughout its entirety (mainly because I mostly read fiction novels, and because I didn't start highlighting in books until I came to college, and because I don't normally highlight through my textbooks that I'm required to read for school), but did so excessively. All that to say...this paragraph has nothing to do with my being busy.

So back to this book again. You should read it. I highly recommend it. Miller talks about how Christianity is not a formula, a religion based on rules and self-help steps to make life easier or better, but rather, that it's a relationship. I know, original, right? But really, in all essence, Miller is one of the most original writers I have come across. His language is so direct, and yet, so beautiful. I came across a whole new understanding of being in a real relationship with Christ and I realized how egotistical I am in regards to my status in society and in culture.

In the opening chapters, Miller introduces this idea that Christianity is not a three, four, or twelve step program. He talked about this writing seminar he once went to, one which was full of all women who wanted to write daily devotions while drinking coffee, tea, or whatever and to provide three steps to happier, healtheir, more "Jesus" lives. The truth of the matter is, life is not a series of "steps" or "rules." Real life is a story. And everyone's story is different. Life is harsh and can't be fixed with equations. Or as Miller put it so eloquently: "Reality is like a fine wine. It will not appeal to children." Now, I've never even tasted a lick of alcohol in my life, but it certainly does not appeal to me, even now, as a mature and well-off nineteen year old sophomore in college.

Anywho, back to this formula talk. Miller continued to explain how writers of self-help books typically would read through Scripture, these narrative stories of certain people (Abraham, Isaac, Moses, Noah, Paul, etc.) and try to read in formulaic expressions of why their lives were so successful and why they are such prominent figures in Scripture. Here's the thing: Abraham, Isaac, Moses, Noah, and Paul were real people with real problems and circumstances where a real God intervened and gave them real life experiences to learn from. No math, no steps, no formula.

Throughout the progression of the book, Miller introduced and explained this "lifeboat theory." There's a group of people in a lifeboat and the lifeboat is sinking and the only way to save the people in the lifeboat is to toss someone overboard. So basically it was a matter of defending one's own hierarchy and trying to decide who the the least important person was to toss overboard. Miller was trying to make a point about relationships and who we decide to associate ourselves with. You see, Christianity is not a formula, but a relationship. And our relationship with Christ Jesus should be an example for our relationships with everyone else. As Miller stated: "But the great crime, the great tragedy, is not in the attempts to associate but rather the efforts to dissociate. If a person feels his space in the hierarchy is threatened, that he might lose position, the vehemence he feels toward the lesser person is nearly malevolent."

How selfish and arrogant of us. "The most selfless thing God could do, that is, the most selfless thing a perfect Being who is perfectly loving could do, would be to create other beings to enjoy Himself" (another profound statement by Miller). If we really enjoy God and are really in relationship with Him, someone who, as a man, was in relationship with everyone he came in contact with, then what on earth makes us think that we could ignore and dissociate ourselves with the "lesser" people? How selfish and arrogant of us!

"In my own life, I notice I validate people who like or validate me. When I say so-and-so is a nice person, what I really mean is so-and-so thinks I am a nice person. And if I sense a person doesn't like me, or thinks he is better than me, my mind will find all sorts of criticism, noticing his temper or his dense intellect...Don't we find humble people more companionable than arrogant people?" I know, I don't have any original thoughts of my own. But goodness gracious, we are a selfish and arrogant people who try to formulate formulas in our minds of how to be better Christians! Life and Christianity are not formulas. They are stories about relationships. And relationships are what make people thrive. How dare we, especially as Christians, try to deprive others of such relationships all because they are "lesser" than we.

A.D.V.A.N.C.E.

2010-03-13T11:35:00.000-08:00

Back when I was a senior in high school, out pastor, along with some of the elders and the worship minister teamed up to present a seven-part sermon series on the word advance. The series was really applicable to me, being that I was about to graduate and enter into the realm of college. But I still find that the message applies and always will, not just for me, but hopefully for you, too.

Before I get into the real meat of the message, allow me to lay out the signifiance of the word advance in the Bible. There are three separate meanings to the word:
1) Advance is a reference to age.
Gen. 24:1 - "Abraham was now old and well advanced in years..."
Josh. 13:1 - "When Joshua was old and well advanced in years, the Lord said to him, 'You are very old, and there are still very large areas of land to be taken over.'"
-Advancing in age speaks to our life experience and maturity-

2) Advancing refers to forward motion, as in battle; it's intentional.
Jer. 46:3, 9 -"Prepare your shields, both large and small, and march out for battle!...Charge, O horses! Drive furiously, O charioteers! March on, O warriors -- men of Cush and Put who carry shields, men of Lydia who draw the bow."
-We don't advance by accident--forward motion requires a warrior mentality-

3) Advancing connotes movement to a better place.
Est. 2:9 - "...Immediately he provided her with her beauty treatments and special food. He assigned to her seven maids selected from the king's palace and moved her and her maids into the best place in the harem."
Est. 10:2 - "And all his acts of power and might, together with a full account of the greatness of Mordecai to which the king had raised him..."
-We need to leave room for growth and change-

Now I'm going to move into a more in depth meaning of the word:
A. accept the challenge to ask God for the details. Ask what he wants and get him involved in your decision making.
2 Chronicles 20:1-9 is a story about Jehosaphat and his defeating the Moabites and Ammonites. In the beginning of the chapter Jehosaphat is informed that a vast army was already on their way to make war with him. And the very first thing that he did in response was "resolved to inquire of the Lord." He began his prayer by acknowledging how big God was and followed with proclaiming his inabilities with a humble heart and then, in vs. 10-12 and 20-24 prepared for the battle. Jehosaphat positioned himself not to fight his own battle, but for God to fight them and in 20: 18-19, right in the middle of preparing for battle, Jehosaphat worshiped God. And as the story goes, the Moabites and Ammonites were defeated.
D. decide to dream a big dream in God.
Jer. 29:11-13 - "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.'" A dream is something that involves God and brings us closer to Him in ministry. Through the Holy Spirit's leading, we need to define ourselves and our purpose and direction. "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." -Jn. 15:7 Keep in mind, though, that in order to build a dream, you have to make use of every opportunity God gives you. He's not going to give you a task that you can't handle.
V. vision strong enough to sustain your velocity--see it the way God sees it.
Anticipate the outcome(s) based on faith. Sometimes hope is lost when we can't see what God has laid out for us: when we lose our vision we begin to second-guess ourselves and, in turn, question God. Remember the promise of Jeremiah 29:11! God will lay out each step of the way as we continue to move forward. All we need is faith the size of a mustard seed.
A. accept the challenge to recieve God's answer.
Gen. 17:1-18 is the covenant of circumcision; Abram becomes Abraham and is promised to be the father of many nations and his wife, Sarai becomes Sarah and is promised a son. Then, in Gen. 22, God tests Abraham by commanding him to sacrifice his son. God wants to take the things that matter to us and put them to the test, in order that we may learn obedience. Obedience is owning the heart of God personally. We build our faith by obeying God with our actions (James 2:18, 21-23).
N. a newness of attitude and ideas is necessary.
Hebrews 6:1 is a command to leave the elementary truths about Christ and to advance in maturity. The definition of insanity is: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. Don't be insane and change your lifestyle! You could be one good idea away from doing something extraordinary. Advancing in life requires us to make changes. God's not going to invade your schedule because he doesn't live in your schedule; we live in His world. Refresh your heart by preparing it and separating yourself from the world. Assume risk properly: what you may think is abnormal is normal to God. Have a balanced approach to failure: whatever your quit number is, is when you've limited God.
C. courage to take on life's journey.
Joshua 1:9 - "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." Courage comes to those who take risks to find out how far they can really go. Courage stands in the midst of conflict and conflict brings clarity when handled correctly. Courage creates a flexible strength (bend without breaking). Courage takes the path of resistence, and it seeks out opportunities.
E. Eternal perspective is necessary.
God wants to establish His priorities in our lives, and he'll challenge the temporal things we wish to do. Matthew 6:33 - "Seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well." When we have an eternal perspective, we forget about the temporary things and we have a constant hope in God.

We advance in life by...
Accepting the challenge to ask God what he wants
Deciding to dream big in God
Vision strong enough to sustain our velocity
Accepting the challenge to recieve God's answer
Necessary newness of attitude and ideas
Courage to take on life's journey
Eternal perspective

It's Raining Dollars!

2010-03-01T13:54:00.000-08:00

It's official. A year of blogging and I still haven't figured out how to do it on a regular basis. My last blog was posted a month and a day ago. Fail.

But I bring good news! News which only pertains to myself, but good news alas. In a previous post, way back when, I talked about a passage in Matthew 6, which basically says not to worry about anything, cause worrying is pointless and dumb. Not to mention, it's a sin for lack of faith in God. Anywho, I really need to start practicing what I "preach" (technically write).

A little over a week ago, my friend Daniel Baker and I went to a friends house to do laundry and on the way back to campus we were discussing alot of things we wish to accomplish or do in our lives. I proceeded to tell him how, when I was a senior in high school, I wanted to go to the Hillsong International Leadership College in Sydney, Australia for a year upon my graduation at Ozark. It would cost me about $24,000 to attend the school, with no scholarship money available to me, being that I'm American. And I quickly realized within my freshman year of college that I would instead be paying off school bills (which will, unfortunately, well exceed 24 grand) instead of going to Australia. And I told Daniel that it was just a dream quickly faded.

This was his response to me: "So? Don't worry about it. If God wants you to go to Australia, then He will provide the means for you to go."

I knew he was right, but at the same time, I had to be rational about the situation...or did I?

Every year Ozark puts on an event called "Preaching and Teaching Convention." It's a huge ordeal for pastors, teachers, and leaders alike to attend and it's even better for the students since we always get out of class during the convention.

I had the pleasure of meeting one of the attendees, Monday, while I was at work. I was working on an assignment for my Hebrews class when this elderly man came up to me and asked what I was studying. He was a nice and quite jolly man with a contageous smile. We began to make small talk and just before he headed out, he pulled out his wallet, handed me a one dollar bill and said, "Here. Buy yourself a coke!" I smiled and thanked him and chuckled to myself as he walked out.

The next day I had volunteered to sell meal tickets before and after the afternoon main session. Few people were buying tickets, so I just sat and minded my own business, reading a book, when the same old man I met the day before came up to me and said, "Hey. You're the girl who was workin' yesterday!" We began to make some more small talk, he asked me what my name was. When I told him, "Jordan," he then asked, "Does your last name happen to be River?" I laughed at his joke and he then began to tell me about a trip he took to Israel and how he got to see the country Jordan and the Jordan River. And as the main session was about to start, he pulled out his wallet, handed me another dollar bill, and said, "Here. Buy yourelf another coke! My name is Charles Hein, but I go by Bob." I thought to myself, "I like this guy."

The next evening, the choir was to perform at the final main session. I was sitting in my seat, waiting for the session to start, when Bob approached me. We talked some and laughed some and then he asked me, "So are you working your way through school?" I told him how I was a sophomore here at Ozark and he interupted me with, "No, I mean, do you have a job?" Taken aback by his question I told him how I work in the Student Center. He smiled and said, "Well can I help you with your bill?" while at the same time pulling out his wallet, handing me two fifty dollar bills. I was so shocked! This elderly man who I had met not two days ago was handing me one hundred dollars! I couldn't thank him enough for his generosity. And that was the last time I had seen him during the convention.

The next day, students returned to classes and Ozark was back in the norm of things. After my 8 o'clock class I went to the Admin Building to pay off a bookstore bill, but the lady working said I didn't owe anything because all my loans had been applied. Score! Then she proceeded to tell me that a gentleman came in earlier that morning and put $100 to my account, which was now accredited to me, since my bill for the semester was already covered. I knew it had to be Bob. So then I had $202 in my hand. At first I didn't know what to do with the money, since he wanted to help with school bills and I didn't want to spend it on anything other that that. Then I rememberd that I have to pay $130 for choir tour AND my next payment for my accompanist is due this week.

I get to work this morning and find a check in my mailbox from Sunneyvalleytek International Inc. I just about died. Back in December over Christmas break I had ordered a battery for my laptop only to realize, after recieving the battery, that something else was wrong with my computer. It didn't need a new battery. I returned the battery with a promise of a refund check...which I waited to get for a month, to then realize they had the address wrong and it FINALLY came in the mail just today!
God is so good and I thank Him greatly for His divine appointment.

So if He could provide me $240.59 (that's with the amount of the refund check added) in seven days, who's to say He can't provide $24,000 in 2 1/2 years?

366 Days and Still Counting

2010-01-28T16:19:00.000-08:00

It's been a year and a day since I started blogging! I meant to blog at some point yesterday, but good ol' life prevented me from doing so. Literally, I had no time yesterday. Here's the run down of what a typical Wednesday looks like for me as an OCC student: Class at 7 (yes, in the morning!), class at 8, class at 9, class at 10, class at 1125, just enough time to eat lunch before the freshmen small group leaders meet at 1240 (we only do this once a month, but conveniently we met yesterday), class at 130, leave at 3 for church, return from church at 830, work 9-12. Whew. Conveniently, my job requires little to no labor (I work in the Student Center on-campus), so I normally spend most of my time doing homework when I'm not selling coffee to the huge crowd of about 2 people.

My Wednesdays would like to formally apologize for having my one year blog anniversery on one of it's most gruesome and tiring and busy days.

As I was anticipating this momentous day (that which was yesterday), I pondered what I could possibly write about. My good friend, and part influencer to this blog, Charlie, suggested I write about the things I've learned in this past year. So as I thought back to 365 days ago, I began to realize how much 2009 really stunk. I'd hate to say that I remember more not-so-good memories versus the good ones.

However, since I got the devotional book my mom sent me, I've found more comfort in God through all those not-so-good times. But I kept asking, "God, when is it gonna' get better?!" And as I so miraculously found time to go through yesterday's devotion, God told me this:

"Give up the illusion that you deserve a problem-free life. Part of you is still hungering for the resolution of all difficulties. This is a false hope! As I told My disciples, in the world you will have trouble. Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to the promise of an eternity of problem-free life in heaven. Instead of seeking perfection in this fallen world, pour your energy into seeking Me: The Perfect One...I am much less interested in right circumstances than in right responses to whatever comes your way."

I then turned to John 16:33, which says this: "I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!" (italics added)

I finally got it. Before, I was just seeking God and trusting him when those not-so-good times began to taunt me. I asked him to make things better, to take the pain away, to make the sun shine with pots of gold at the end of the rainbow and unicorns prancing around. And God said, "NO! You will have troubles! You can't just seek me when life sucks. You can't just trust me when hard times come your way. You have to prepare for an on-going battle! When you are trusting me in preparation for the hard times is when you find that you are trusting me at all times! This is what I want from you: consistent trust! I am not a part-time God. I am always here so you need to always trust me!"

Boom. Roasted.

Evolution by Design

2010-01-16T08:31:00.000-08:00

Well, it's almost the start of the new semester. Classes start this coming Tuesday and slowly more and more students are arriving back on campus. I, along with a handful of other OCC students, came back a week early for winter session. Winter session is the opportunity for students to get a class done in a week...literally. Some people went on a Spiritual Reformation retreat, others to New York for Urban Ministries, some took Foundations for Christian Education, but I took Creation and Science.

Creation and Science is one of the least favored classes at OCC. I was told by everyone who had taken the class before to avoid taking it over the semester and to take it over winter session. So that's what I intended to do. I figured, "Well, it may suck, but at least I'll be done with it in a week." And then I found out that Andrew Kirschner, one of the most favored professors at OCC, was teaching it over winter session this year. I made sure that I was going to be in that class with him. Not taking Creation and Science with Kirsch was not an option. And of course I made the enrollment list only hours before the class was closed.

I just knew that with Kirschner teaching Creation and Science, the class had to be awesome. And not to my surprise, it was. I've only been going to Ozark for a year and a half now, but by far, Creation and Science was my favorite class. It made me think and analyze things I never have before and I was presented with arguments to help better explain my faith. I was so exhausted by the end of every seven hour lecture, but I always walked away really excited and anticipating the next day to be just as awesome, if not, more! I can't think of one time when I was bored.

One day in class Kirsch split us up into groups and had us read different chapters from a book of compilations of writings from scientists, athiests, Christians, and Darwinists/evolutionists. The chapter our group read was written by Jonathan Wells who believes in evolution by design. In other words, he believes in evolution, but not in Darwinian evolution (the idea that everything came about by random chance and natural selection). He claims that there was a designer (although he doesn't specify who the designer could have been) and that he created the earth with us humans in mind but left the earth to evolve, with humans, of course, being the end of the evolution process.

Now, I won't say that his arguments weren't valid and didn't make sense, but of course I don't believe his theory. This is something I thought about alot this week and have a problem with because I know that some Christians believe that God used evolution. I don't believe He did.

First off, and most obvious, if you read Genesis one, you'll notice that God made everything. Nowhere does it say, "And God created an ameoba and left it to evolve into all of the animal kingdom and human race."

Now getting on to some more legit points...
God is perfect. There are many words to define the word perfect, one of them being complete/completiton. Someone or something is imperfect when it is lacking that which would make it perfect; it is incomplete. Evolution, in my understanding, is a description of imperfection. It explains that something evolves from another, making the post form better than the first. This does not sound like something a perfect designer would do. Because God is perfect, I don't believe He could have made something that is out of His character. When God created the Heavens and the earth and everything that dwells within them, he made them perfect and complete, no evolution necessary.

Also, saying God used evolution implies that he is impersonal. "God created an ameoba and sat back in his big recliner throne and left it to evolve into the rest of all living creatures." We know this is certainly not the case, not only by reading the Bible, but by examining our own personal relationship with Him. God is and was involved in everything good. God fought many battles on behalf of the Israelites in the Old Testament. God incarnate became the Christ in human flesh and died on the cross on our behalf. God sent His Holy Spirit to dwell in us that we may still have relationship with Him. God is very personal. He calls us to run to Him because He's the only one who could ever provide the answers we're looking for! He desires to have a relationship with His children. He knows our heart's desires and wishes to reward us accordingly. That does not sound like a God who would create an earth and then just leave it alone to do what it will.

God did not, by any means, use evolution!...And I really hope Kirschner reads this post.

A Not-So-Happy New Year...But Tomorrow's a New Day

2010-01-01T17:43:00.000-08:00

Well, it's the first day of the new year, 2010. New Years, I think, can be properly described, by most people, as a time of renewal, refreshment, a time to make big changes for the better, a time to start off with a clean slate. It's a New Year, so why not start life anew? You know what I always think of New Years? Lame. I mean, sure, it's an excuse to hang out past curfew with friends and to get hammered and to kiss a random guy at the opportune minute, but you know what part I really dont like? New Year's resolutions. To me, they just show how inconsistent people are. Now, I don't mean to bash everyone who do New Year's resolutions, cause I know some of ya'll are legit. I'm just generalizing.

I've never made a New Year's resolution. I don't like the idea of having to make a resolution EVERY year, but I also don't want to have to face disappointment. Sure, I think it's great that people want to make changes in their lives and try to be better at something or take better care of themselves, but why wait until the start of every new year? Why is it necessary to make a resolution EVERY year? Because people are inconsisent. If I were to make a change, I'd want it to be for life. Not just for the year. And if I can't keep a resolution, I'm not gonna wait until the following year to make a new one. I think that New Year's is a cop-out for some people.

You wanna know how my first day of the new year (the day for "new beginnings") went? I had an emotional break down...about everything that happened this previous semester and then some: I experienced real heart-ache for the first time, school was really hard, I was under a consistent and very heavy amount of stress (and I lost 6lbs because of it), I struggled with personal time with God, people hurt and disappointed me, my grandma passed away unexpectedly, I recently found out that in order to fix my computer I'd have to cough up a good $300 or so, and to top it all off...I chopped my hair off. Correction. My mom chopped my hair off. Now, I won't say that I'm unhappy with the results. I just didn't want to chop it off. We had a little freak accident with the hair and the only way to really fix it was to cut it (Mom, I still love you the same and I will graciously take half the blame). And today was the first time, other than when my grandma passed away, that I cried and broke down about any of this. And it was more emotional that I guess it should have been, but that's because I kept everything in for 4 months.

2 Corinthians 4:8-9 says:
"We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

I read this verse last night in my devotional time and instantly, without thinking, began to hum the bridge of the song "Yes LORD" to myself. It goes something like this:
"I am pressed, but not crushed; persecuted, not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. I am blessed beyond the curse for His promise will endure that His joy is gonna be my strength! And though the sorrow my last for the night, His joy comes with the morning!"

Ya, life has been hard in the Reinhardt family this past semester. And today kinda sucked. But guess what? I am not crushed. I am not abandoned. I am not destroyed. And while tomorrow may not be the start of another new year, it'll still be the start of another new day. The LORD's joy comes with the morning and that's true for EVERY day, not just the first day of every new year.

I told my mom with a chuckle as she was cutting my beautiful, long locks off: "What better way to start the new year than with an emotional breakdown and a haircut."

Consider it Joy

2009-12-23T21:15:00.000-08:00

I really need to get better with this whole blogging thing.

A few weeks ago my mom sent me a devotional book to help me with my personal time with God. It has a devotion for each day of the year and each one is written as if Jesus himself were talking to you. Now, I've always been skeptical of devotional books because they always seem, to me, cliche and soft, not really full of depth.

But from day one of reading this devotional book, I have been continually comforted and inspired by its words.

A couple weeks ago, on December 9th, my Grandma Dawn passed away. It was unexpected and we're unsure of what the cause of death was. These past couple weeks have been very emotional and exhausting for our family.

The day after her death I opened up my little book and read it's comforting contents:

"Make Me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counter-productive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.

Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven."

And I completely broke down. Part of my struggle with my grandma's death is thinking of my relationship with her over the past few years. When I was younger I would ride my bike to Grandma Dawn's house numerous days of the week. And in the summer I spent the night at least once a week. I just wanted to be with her all the time. We loved each other and made some great memories together. But the past few years have been different. I didn't love her any less, but I wasn't willing to spend much time with her. She eventually moved the latter half of my Senior year in high school to Louisianna where my uncle lives because we were unable to take care of her any longer.

I rarely called and it was always under the impulse of my mom telling me to. I can't even remember the last time I called her or what we even talked about. It kills me that I never maintained our relationship. I know Grandma Dawn always loved me and she knew I loved her, but I also know that she would have liked a phone call every now and then.

And I know that she is now in heaven rejoicing, dancing, singing, loving, playing, laughing with Jesus.

And it's in these times when Jesus is begging us to lean on him, because in the most rough times in our lives, we see Him most clearly.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

This doesn't mean that when bad things happen to be happy because they happen. "Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My presence."

These past couple weeks have been really hard, but I have found myself in God's presence and have experienced the peace it brings. "When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me."

"Make Me the focal point of your search for security..."

You Can't See Your Feet at the Table

2009-11-19T18:05:00.000-08:00

The other day I was reading through 2nd Samuel 9, which is the story about David and Mephibosheth. Before I go into detail about the story, it might help to have some background about Mephibosheth. The first time he is mentioned in the Bible is in 2nd Samuel 4:4, shortly after Saul's death: "(Jonathan son of Saul had a son who was lame in both feet. He was five years old when the news of Saul and Jonathan came from Jezreel. His nurse picked him up and fled, but as she hurried to leave, he fell and became crippled. His name was Mephibosheth.)"

This verse is in parenthesis for a reason. If you read through the first few chapters of 2nd Samuel, you will find that this verse is somewhat irrelevant to what is currently going on...until we come to chapter nine.
My dad did a sermon on 2nd Samuel 9 a couple years ago and after I recently read this story I searched for my sermon notes with the desire to recall the astounding message hidden within the text.

Now, David was anointed king over Judah in 2nd Samuel 2 and from then on, there was war between the houses of David and Saul. The house of David always defeated the house of Saul. We come to chapter nine and David asked if there was anyone of the house of Saul whom he could show kindness to for Jonathan's (Saul's son and David's best friend) sake. Ziba, a servant of Saul's household, told David about Mephibosheth.

I will let the Scriptures tell you the rest of the story, starting in vs. 5 of 2nd Samuel 9:
"So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel. 6 When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor. David said, 'Mephibosheth!' 'Your servant,' he replied. 7 'Don't be afraid,' David said to him, 'for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.' 8 Mephibosheth bowed down and said, 'What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?'. . . 11b So Mephibosheth ate at David's table like one of the king's sons. 12 Mephibosheth had a young son named Mica, and all the members of Ziba's household were servants of Mephibosheth. 13 And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king's table, and he was crippled in both feet."

The first point to be made here is that we are born enemies of Christ. Mephibosheth was a direct descendant of Saul. Saul had made David his enemy and pursued him consistently, wanting him dead. And from then on, there was consant warfare between the house of Saul and the house of David. However, Christ still pursues us just as David pursued Mephibosheth, wanting to show him kindness. In the same way, we are to pursue our enemies.

Second of all, God calls us by name and tells us not to fear. Mephibosheth's name means "shameful speech from my mouth." He did not have an honoring name whatsoever. It was shameful. But David called out to him, "Mephibosheth! Don't be afraid!" This indicates that Mephibosheth was afraid of David...I would be too if my grandfather tried to kill the king who just summoned me. Mephibosheth didn't deserve David's kindness. But because David loved his father, Jonathan, he wanted to show his household kindness. Like David, Christ is calling out to us, "Shameful one! Don't be afraid for I will surely show you kindness." We don't deserve God's kindness but because he loves us, he seeks us out and gives it to us anyways.

Next we see that, not only does God save us, but he also restores our heritance and our dignity. Mephibosheth was living in Lo Debar, which was a place of hiding, for he feared for his life because his grandfather was dead and David was now king. David had him brought to Jerusalem and promised to restore to him the land that belonged to Saul AND he promised Mephibosheth that he would eat at his table. David saved Mephibosheth from his place of hiding and restored everything to him and restored his dignity by letting him eat at his table. How many times does Christ do this for us also?

The blessing: Once we're invited to the table, it's our place to always come to. Mephibosheth always ate at David's table. Once Christ invites us into his kingdom, we are always welcome and are never banished.

The awesomeness doesn't end there though. There are a few more key points to be drawn from this passage:
1) We start fallen/crippled
2) We can't walk into the kingdon, we have to be brought
3) We can't walk in the king's presence on our own
4) This one's my favorite: While we're at the table we can't see our feet (our shame). Mephibosheth was a member of a deposed dynasty, but the "embarrasement" of having him, a cripple, in the royal courts did not in any way affect David's gracious treatment towards him.

Be encouraged by this as I was. Next Thursday is Thanksgiving. I am thankful that God loves me so much to show me his kindness and to carry me into his kingdom in my fallen state.

I Couldn't Think Of A Creative Title To Go With This Post

2009-11-06T14:22:00.000-08:00

This is my second post of the entire semester. I apologize to my dedicated fans (all three of you) for not staying updated. I have a problem, not so much with time, cause I can always find some time during the week to blog, but with finding inspiration. I'm not a very creative person so I can't just think of something to ramble about and, in turn, I don't write. Hopefully you all have forgiven me and will continue to read my blog.

This semester, for me, has been very...different. For those of you who don't know, I am a music major at Ozark Christian College. Most of my classes are music oriented and I spend most of my free time in the chapel putting in practice hours for voice and piano. Even though my life may seem to revolve around nothing other than music, I still have the privilage to escape my dungeon (the basement of the chapel) and take Bible classes. However, this semester, as previously stated, is different.

Out of my nine classes, six of them are music oriented and the other three, (Speech, Small Group Leadership, and Worship) unfortunately, are NOT Bible classes. While I don't get to enjoy writing five term papers due on the same day and memorizing half of the Bible for just one class, I don't get to learn about the Bible at all. An entire semester doing nothing but practically living in the chapel and writing a speech or two...I go to a Bible college, live with 91 Godly women, and I even go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. And yet, I somehow have felt so spiritually dry this entire semester.

Until recently I've blamed being "dry" on not having any Bible classes. But to tell you the truth, as a 19 year old sophomore in Bible college, I struggle with daily devotions and a consistant prayer life. And I've finally obtained the guts to admit it.

"Oh, but you're a 19 year old sophomore in Bible college! What's you're problem?! You're not a good Christian...." That's about how awesome I feel sometimes. And here's the thing, I don't have a problem with wanting to read the Bible and pray because when I do I feel so refreshed and awesome. I just have a problem with actually doing it. And I don't really have an excuse. I could say that I'm really busy and exhausted with school, cause I actually am, but that's no excuse for not reading God's Word and praying to my Heavenly Father and for having a deeper relationship with him. Nothing is more important than my relationship with God. Not even school.

So along with feeling spiritually barren, these past few weeks I have been really, and I mean really, exhausted. It doesn't matter if I get enough sleep, because I'm a grandma who goes to bed no later than 10:30 every night, but I never get enough rest anymore. And I'm not just tired, my body is always aching and my muscles are tense. I have physically been taking a toll like none other. But here's the thing. I get enough sleep every night. And I've come to realize that, even though I sleep sufficient hours, but still get no rest, is because I'm spiritually barren. I am so exhausted because I haven't been spending time in the Word and praying. School and work wear me out so much, and instead of seeking God and asking him for rest...I do nothing. And the devil has taken the opportunity to attack me with exhaustion and physical pain.

I write this post not only to encourage you to be NOT like me, but also to hold me accountable. It takes 21 days to develop a habit. So for the next 21 days I need your help. Call me, text me, or if you see me in passing, ask me if I've done my devotions for the day. This is going to be the start of deepening my relationship with Christ. I've been meaning to do it for years and I'm tired of putting it off and I'm tired of suffering for it.

And always remember that no matter how crazy life gets, be sure to devote time EVERY day to God (do as I say, not as I do). You may need to study for a test or write a paper, but honestly, you're relationship with Christ is so much more important. What's one "F" anyways? At least you know you've got a God you can rely on and know that you will one day get to spend eternity with Him (and I don't mean to say that lightly). So if you, too, struggle with spending time reading your Bible and praying every day, then I challenge you to join me for the next 21 days in developing a deeper and better relationship with God and watch as 21 days turn into every day for the rest of our lives.

Speaking with Bold Assurance

2009-09-19T09:38:00.000-07:00

In Speech class, everyday we have speeches, our professor will assign "tasks" to those who don't speak on that specific day. The tasks consist of: timer, grammarian, word of the day, and joke of the day. Last week, on the speech day that I was not speaking, I was assigned joke of the day. Here it is: "Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff...*Bu-dum-tch!*"

So I have to read this book for Speech class: Speaking with Bold Assurance. I can't say it's one of my favorite reads. Can't say it's one of least favorites either. It's pretty easy and fast-paced, it has good pointers, but it's all information that I've already learned in the classroom, or information that I've had natural assumptions on when it comes to speaking. So all in all, I'm not that interested in this book.

But I just finished a chapter that discussed the importance of getting your audience to believe you. It mainly focuses on the visual and vocal attributes of giving a speech: If your expressions and tone don't match the words you're delivering, then people will see you as inconsistant and won't believe anything you say...This is one of those things I had a natural assumption on because I've seen speakers give presentations that were a total bust because they spoke in monotone and were expressionless.

This book isn't just a book about giving a good speech, though. It's a book that's targeted towards Christians. It tells you how to give a good speech, and then applys it to the Christian life.

Back to the chapter I just finished...in the midst of all these pointers on the importance of visual aids and vocal variety to match the words you are speaking, there is a story:

"J. Sidlow Baxter, a Christian writer and pastor, told the story of a lady named Beatrice Cleland, who had been won to Christ by the man who later served as her pastor. Reflecting on how God had used this man to help her find Jesus, she wrote a poem that encapsulates the way God uses human means for divine purposes.
"'Not only by the words you say
Not only by your deeds confessed
But in the most unconscious way
Is Christ expressed.
Was is a beatific smile
Or holy light upon your brow?
Oh, no. I felt His presence
When you laughed just now.
For me 'twas not the truth you taught
To you so clear, to me so dim,
But when you came to me
You brought a sense of Him.
And from your eyes He beckons me.
And from your lips His love is shed
Till I lose sight of you
And see the Christ instead.'"

After fifty-four and a half pages of, what was to me, dull and dry reading, I came across this poem. This book finally meant something to me. I finally took to heart the purpose of this book.

Matthew 5:14-16
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see (emphasis added) your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

We Christians hear it all the time: "Love people and show them Christ through your actions!" We hear this so often that it becomes an annoyance...which is disheartening because the understood truth that the most effective way to show Christ through our deeds still remains. Of course, we still need our words. But our words mean nothing if we don't have trust. They're meaningless and send the wrong message if our tone and expressions, and most of all, our hearts don't match up with them.

We show people Christ's love in our good deeds to earn their trust and once we've earned that trust, people will believe our words...if the profound truth of our words are delivered with passion and if that same truth is shown in our tone and expressions. As the poem said:
"But when you came to me
You brought a sense of Him.
And from your eyes He beckons me.
And from your lips His love is shed
Till I lose sight of you
And see the Christ instead."

Summer's Out for the School Year!

2009-08-12T15:06:00.000-07:00

Well, the summer is nearing to an end. In exactly a week from today, I will be back on OCC grounds. Let's see, how should I spend my last days of summer? OH yes, most of it will be spent driving. My sister and I leave early tomorrow morning to begin our long journey back to Joplin, MO. It's really crazy to think sometimes, how fast time just flies. I spent this summer at home reading books, learning to wakeboard, being a youth leader and going to camps, turning the big 19, hanging out with little kids at the science museum, working on a farm, and spending loads of time with the family. I spent even more time laying around the house and doing almost nothing. But you know, sometimes it's good to do nothing.

Now if you want to get all spiritual on me and tell me that I need to make the most of every day, then go ahead. I realize that there's lots more I could be doing other than just sitting at home, but I think it's good to have time to ourselves. I just spent an entire year on nothing but working my tailbone off trying to get good grades and become a better singer and make lots of friends and such. This summer has been good for me because I got to rest (something I lack when having a schedule). There were times this past year when I felt that I was doing nothing but my school work. I felt I never had time for myself. I know that's not necessarily true because I did spend a considerable amount of time with my friends and what-not, but at the end of each activity I ever did, I always had more homework to attend to. I was exhausted most of the time.

And I finally got to rest this summer. I finally got to do whatever it was that I wanted to do. I spent alot of time at home thinking. I like to think about life and stuff, and sometimes thinking about such things, for me at least, requires no agenda. At school, there was always an agenda and the things I normally thought about were "When am I ever going to find time to study for tomorrow's test?" or "To do homework? Or not to do homework?" I almost always ended up doing my homework. Just ask my old roommate, Stephanie. Sometimes she'd get onto me for always doing homework. She'd tell me I needed to get a life or something. And you know what, alot of the times she told me to stop doing homework, I should have. Stephanie didn't want me to do bad in school or anything, but she became concerned about my well being because I never gave myself time to do something other than homework.

And these past few months I didn't have one ounce of homework to worry about. Woohoo! I had all the time in the world to be worry-free and to enjoy time with myself.

While the summer has been quite the vacay, I am so ready at this point to be back at school. As much as I love doing nothing, I love the feeling of having work to do, having goals to accomplish, even if the goal is to simply get an A on tomorrow's test. I love to be driven. I am so excited to learn even more this year: to become a better disciple, a better musician, a better person. I can't wait to see all my old friends and to make new ones.

God really showed up this past year at school in the midst of my busy schedule and he showed up this summer in the midst of doing nothing. No matter what I'm doing, whether it's homework or sitting at home reading a book, God still shows up. I wonder how he'll do it this time around.

I Thought Church Was Supposed to be on Sundays

2009-07-26T14:43:00.000-07:00

So this entire summer I've really stressed out about this coming year's tuition for school. I didn't recieve the same amount of scholarships this year as I did last year. In fact I recieved about $3000 less than last year. And I wasn't sure what my loans would cover. And I wasn't sure that I'd be getting an on-campus job to help pay off my tuition, and I don't have a car to go get a job off-campus. Seriously, this whole summer I'd freak out every time I thought about it. Now, I always trust God to provide, because he always has. But it's still scary living in that moment when you don't have anything and you don't know what you're gonna do about it when you've already done everythig you can. But last Friday, when I came home from camp, God releaved my spirit with the news that the only money I owe the school for next semester is just under $900, plus books of course. Most of my tuition is covered in loans, but I'm ok with that right now. I recieved almost $4,000 in a PELL Grant, $560 for the Trustees Scholarship, and $200 for my Music scholarship. That's about a third of my tuition, money I don't have to pay back, covered not only for this fall semester, but those same amounts will be applied the for spring semester. Woohoo!

I say all of this because this morning, our worship minister, Pastor Deborah, preached. One of the things she said that just hit home with me was this: "Sometimes our faith is the only thing that will carry us through our fear." The Lord is my Jehovah Jirah. I always knew he'd take care of me and I always pray that he would, but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid at times. Noah wasn't fearless when God called him to build the ark. But he obeyed and practiced out his faith, and he and his family lived through the flood.

This has nothing to do with what I initially wanted to blog about, but I thought I'd just share my testimony with you.

After a wonderful service this morning, my family took me out for a birthday lunch to my favorite Mexican restaurant (even though my birthday was two days ago) and one of our family friends joined us as well.

In the midst of being merry and gay, and laughing joyously with each other, we ended up discussing the whole issue of church services being organized, being put into a time slot. There's a time for fellowship, a time for worship, a time for the message, even a time for the announcments and offering. Anything before or after is just inconvenience, and if one thing extends its time slot, then people become aggitated. "Come on, let's move on to the next thing already. I've worshiped long enough." The problem with having a set time for church services is that it hinders us from being the church outside of the service. Once the alloted time for church is up, then its time for Sunday lunch, then maybe a nap. And then Monday comes. Then Tuesday, then Wednesday, etc. etc...until Sunday roles around again: "Ok, time for church! It's time for worship. Time for the message. Ok, church is over." The service may end, but church should never be over. And when we develop a habit of having a time "slot" for prayer, and a time "slot" for worship, and a time "slot" for the Word, etc. then we develop a habit of ending prayer, ending worship, and ending the sermon until the next time for those things come around.

Now, I'm not saying that we should have a continuous church service 24/7, because we have jobs and school to go to, sports events to attend, homework to do, "places to go and people to see." But we should never stop being the church, even when the service is over. We should never stop praying, or worshiping, or diving into the Word. When we grow, the church grows, and the church can't grow only on Sunday mornings.

I was talking to a friend of mine after a chapel service last semester. Chapel that morning went about ten minutes over its alloted time so students had about two minutes to rush to their next class. He told me that the worship and sermon time for chapel should each be about twenty minutes long. That way people don't get bored and aggitated, worrying whether or not they'll to get to class on time, and whatnot. After he said this I asked him, "Well what if the worship pastor or speaker was lead by the Spirit to keep going?" This was his response (my paraphrase), "That doesn't mean that everyone else is going to feel led." I didn't know how to reply then, but through our discussion today I realized that that is why we have worship leaders and pastors. The Spirit leads them to help lead other people. If the Spirit gives a word to a pastor at the end of his sermon that would cause him to speak for an extra ten minutes, why on earth would the church become upset? Just because he should have ended ten minutes ago? We obviously would have needed the word, being that it's from God, and we're going to ignore it and be upset about it just because our Sunday afternoon naps would have been ten minutes shorter?

I wonder what kind of things would happen if we showed up to church on Sunday morning and we allowed the Spirit to completely take over and to lead the worship leader, the pastor, and yes, the body, as he felt needed. Somtimes it might take thirty minutes. And sometimes it might take three hours. But imagine how it would translate into our church lives outside of the church service. If we planned our lives around God, instead of planning God into our lives, then we would be allowing the Holy Spirit to move in and through us Monday through Saturday, and not just on Sunday. We would pray and worship continually, and we would devour the Bible.

The church service is for Christians to pray, worship, and to listen to the Word together, to build community and relationships with one another, to hold each other accountable. But if we only give God an hour and a half of our time one day out of the week to do all of this, and to not let him do it all on his time, then how are we going to sqeeze him into our own time Monday through Saturday when we don't have an alloted time for church. When we give God the freedon to lead us on Sunday mornings, then it'll become so much easier to give him the freedom to lead us Monday through Saturday.

I Touched a Cow Tongue at Camp

2009-07-25T15:06:00.000-07:00

Last night I returned from my second week at Silver Lake Camp and I'm still recovering from lack of sleep. I can only imagine how all my friends who did camp teams this summer feel after eight weeks of camp. These past two weeks have been absolutely incredible. They have to be some of my favorite memories of this summer.

It was so much fun going back to the same camp that I went to as a student for four years. I got to see some people that I haven't seen since the first time we met at camp. And then I met some new people who are friends with one of my friends, whom I first met at Silver Lake. Small world. And then there were the people I met who I never knew before hand, like the NYMI's (Northwest Youth Ministry Interns). They were fantastic: Mo, Jen, Jessica, and Carl all made these past two weeks even more fun for me.

I can't really decide if I liked Jr. High or High School camp better. I liked them both for different reasons. The Jr. Highers clung to the leaders because they think we're the coolest thing since sliced bread, so I was able to connect really well with the students. The Highschoolers were more independent, but it gave me the opportunity to better connect with the leaders. And both Jr. Highers and Highschoolers are passionate...and loaded with cash. Every year at camp we have a "Speed the Light" offering. Speed the Light is an organization that provides food, vehicles, and anything else for missionaries overseas and for the countries that they are in. At Jr. High camp we raised over $4000...and we had less than 300 students that week! We had about 100 more students at Sr. High camp, so the offering was a little bigger...$7000 even!

It was incredible to watch these kids give and empty out their wallets for missionaries. Even more so, it was awesome to watch them worship, to rededicate their lives to Christ, and for some, to accept Christ into their lives for the first time, all over the course of five days. And I loved that I got to be a part of it. Camp is so different when you're a student vs. a leader, and I'm so glad that I got to experience both positions. I absolutely loved camp as a student and going back as a leader, not only made me reminisce, but it helped me relate to the students better and it allowed me to grow passionate for youth. I never thought that I would be working with youth when God called me into ministry. It's not that I wasn't open to the idea, or that I didn't think that it wouldn't happen, I just never pictured myself doing it. My passion and calling is worship. But I gotta say, youth kids are awesome! Now, I'm not going to change my major or anything, but I definately wouldn't mind working with youth for a season...maybe even just lead worship for them.

God did some pretty incredible things these past two weeks. My younger brother made me boohoo like crazy last Wednesday night when the students were given the opportunity to share their testimony at the end of the service. He got up and started preachin' to the choir!...well not really, but what he said was touching. He's grown up so much. *tear*

Not to mention, camp was SO fun outside of service as well! We played some crazy games like tug-o-war in a mud pit, Japanese capture the flag, and cow tongue slip-n-slide relay. That's right, cow tongue. It was repulsive. I also went inner tubing, did the zipline, played in the volleyball and ultimate frisbee tournaments, and got a henna tattoo. And my team this last week, team Orange, aka AFGANASTAN!! (that's for my fellow campers who know what I'm talking about) won 2nd place for all the games and activities, so we got free pizza. Woohoo!

And to end the two weeks with a bang, I spent my 19th birthday in a van for six hours with a bunch of highschoolers. But I got strawberry flavored milk mix, three bucks and a quarter, and rolos...that ended up melting. And when I got home last night, my mom took me to go pick up a cake, but I wasn't in the mood for cake, not even on my birthday. So we're saving it for tonight. I still don't feel a year older. I don't even feel like I had a birhtday. Oh well. Maybe next year it'll be different.

Bears, and Bears, and Bears! OH MY!

2009-06-30T12:32:00.000-07:00

So I've realized that even though I'm home for the summer and spend most of my days at the house pretty much not doing anything, I still don't seem to find the time to blog more often. David, I'm sorry that you've been carrying the blogolution on your shoulders alone most of the time. It's a good thing you're a big, buff, strong, jock.

I learned to wakeboard a week ago. And I got up on my first try...for like, two seconds. But after a few tries...well, after a few more than just a few tries, I not only got up, but I stayed up for a good thirty seconds. Woo! I can wakeboard. So legit. And none of this has anything to do with anything.

You know what one of my favorite Bible stories is? 2 Kings 2:23-25.
Here's how it goes: "From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some youths came out of the town and jeered at him. 'Go on up, you baldhead!' they said. 'Go on up you baldhead!' He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the Lord. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths. And he went on to Mount Carmel and from there returned to Samaria."

Hahaha! So good. Don't mess with old guys who are pretty close to God. Or you'll get mauled by a couple of bears. I just like how Elisha was simply walking on through town, gets made fun of by a bunch of kids, calls a curse on them, and then simply walks out of town. Elisha's the man.

So some pretty exciting news: my 24 year old sister, Kingslee, who hasn't been home in like, two years, is coming home tomorrow! But SHHHH!!! It's a secret. My dad doesn't know. See, here's the dealio. My dad's birthday is this Saturday. That's right, my dad was born on the 4th of July. And Kingslee decided to come home for his birthday and surprise him cause my dad has been talking non-stop about how he wishes ALL his kids were home for the summer. She'll only be home for a week, though. I imagine lots of tears when the reunion takes place.

So anywho, respect your elders. But then again, gettling mauled by bears would be a neat story to have someone tell at your funeral...except I'd hate to have someone share how I got mauled by bears because I disrespected my professor, or grandma, or church elder...respect your elders, kids.

Are You a Gideon?

2009-06-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

The other day at church, during pre-service prayer, I was reading through Judges 6 and 7: the story of Gideon. The verses that stood out to me, 6:12-16, are what really made the story, I think. Just to give some background to this story, the Israelites, after being saved under the hand of Deborah, began to do evil (once again) in the eyes of God and they worshiped the gods of the Amorites. So, to return the favor, God handed them over to the Midianites for seven years. The Midianites were so oppressive that the Israelites hid in mountain caves. When the Israelites cried out to God for help, he reminded them how he brought them out of Egypt and slavery and gave them the land of their oppressors, and commanded them not to worship false gods, "But you have not listened to me." (6:10b)

And finally Gideon comes into play. An angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon while he was threshing wheat in a wine press, hoping to keep it from the Midianites.

"When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, 'The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.' 'But sir,' Gideon replied, 'if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, "Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?" But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian.' The Lord turned to him and said, 'Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?' 'But Lord,' Gideon asked, 'how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family.' The Lord answered, 'I will be with you, and you will strike down the Midianites together.'" Judges 6:12-16

The verses that first stood out to me were 14-15, when the Lord commands Gideon to go save Israel and Gideon replys by saying he is of no worth. Not only was his clan the weakest in his tribe, but he was the least in his family. Gideon's family was not known for being mighty warriors. They were worthless and Gideon was at the very bottom of the foodchain. Still, God commanded him, "Go in the strenth you have...am I not sending you?" That's a pretty powerful statement. God's telling Gideon, "Look, I know you're the least of your family and your family is the least of your tribe, but I want you to go out and save Israel anyway."

Remember verse 12? "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." Before the dialogue in verses 14-15, the Lord approaches Gideon with the promise of "I am with you" and refers to Gideon as a mighty warrior, despite the fact that Gideon's family was known for their weakness. And he gives this promise again in verse 16, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together."

Moving along to verses 36-38, Gideon, after summoning an entire army together, asks God to show him a sign, proving he'll deliver the Israelites, as God had promised. "'Look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said.' And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew-a bowlful of water."

Going back again to verse 13, Gideon asked the angel of the Lord why God had abandoned them and he asked where all the wonders were that their fathers talked about. Well, just to prove that He was legit and still performed miracles, God does this simple task for Gideon. Not only was the ground dry, but the wool was drenched in dew, "a bowlful of water." That is awesome!

You'd think at this point that Gideon would be convinced, but he asked God to do the miracle again, except reversing the effects, making the ground wet, and the wool dry. Verse 40, "That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew." So cool!

And now we come to chapter 7. Remember, Gideon has an army at this point, but God has a different plan. "You have too many men for me to deliver Midian inot their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her, announce now to the people, 'Anyone who trembles with fear may turn back and leave Mount Gilead.'" As a result, 22,000 men left, leaving 10,000 to take on Midian. But God still said there were too many men. He told Gideon to take the men to the water and separate the men who lapped water from their hands from those who lapped water from their tongues, like dogs. 300 drank the water from their hands and the rest got on their knees to drink. With the 300, God promised to give the Midianites into Gideon's hands, and the rest were sent home.

Uh, 300 men...taking on the oppressive army of Midian. I'd be like, "Well thanks God. This is awesome." God, however, gives another command telling Gideon to go down to the camp of the Midianites, listening to what the men say, so that they may be encouraged. So Gideon goes down with his servant and they overheard some men talking (oh and by the way, Gideon couldn't even count the Midianite's camels any more than the sand on the seashore). A man was telling another about his dream. "'A round loaf of barley bread came tumbling into the Midianite camp. It struck the tent with such force that the tent overturned and collapsed.' His friend responded, 'This can be nothing other than the sword of Gideon....God has given the Midianites and the whole camp into his hands.'" (7:13-14)

Well I'd certainly be encouraged after that! As was Gideon, and he worshiped God. What a response! So Gideon took his army of three hundred with trumpets and empty jars and torches. Once the 300 trumpets were sounded around the Midianite camp, the Lord caused all the men in the camp to turn against each other, and the rest fled. Gideon sends out a message to Ephraim, commanding them to pursue the Midianites as far as Beth Barah. They captured two of the Midianite leaders, Oreb and Zeeb, and killed them on their own land.

So now you can hopefully see why Judges 6:12-16 stood out to me so much. God calls Gideon, in his weakness, to save the Israelites from the Midianites and does it in an awesome way! 300 men, representing Gideon's lowly position, taking on an army as "thick as locusts." (7:12) I think this has to be one of my favorite Old Testament stories. I mean, how many times have we used out weaknesses as an excuse to not carry out God's plan? And how many times has God done crazy things to fullfill his call in our lives? Be encouraged by Gideon and worship God.

Christianity Doesn't Play Favorites

2009-06-09T09:49:00.000-07:00

So last night I had Young Adults, which is simply a small group for college aged students. We all meet together and mostly hang out and talk for some time and then we'll have short discussion on either theology, doctrine, faith, etc. Anything along those lines.

To open up the discussion, our leader, Cody Winkler, who is currently the youth pastor at my home church, but will be moving back to Lubbock, TX this summer with the rest of his family, asked us the question, "What is your favorite part about Christianity?"

And the ever awkward moment of silence filled the atmosphere. Cody finally asked specific people the question: "Julian, what's your favorite part about Christianity?" Julian pauses for a moment, and then replys with (and I'll paraphrase to the best of my ability), "Prayer. Just the idea that we can have open communication with God, which in turn, allows us to have a relationship with him." Good answer.

"Jordan, what's your favorite part about Christianity?" I just stared back, blankly, at a loss for words..."We'll come back to you," Cody said.

"Grant, what's your favorite part about Christianity?" I, for some reason, forget Grant's answer, but it was also a good one, I think.

Back to me..."Jordan, what's your favorite part about Christianity?" Again, I'm at a loss for words. I sat there and thought, trying to figure out what to say. The reason I had such a hard time answering the question is, 1) because it forced me to think of something, to exclude all other attributes about Christianity, and to have a bias towards Christianity, favoring some things over others, and 2) I didn't want to give a generic answer. I told Cody and the rest of the group, "I don't really know. I'm at a loss for words..." Another awkward moment of silence, making me feel inferior and pressured.

Finally, my sister, Lindsay, broke the silence by saying (again, my paraphrase), "I think it's really hard to name one favorite thing about Christianity because the wonderful thing about it is that every single component works together." It's like she read my mind.

Cody, who apparently likes to throw us into corners, asks, "Well, what are those components?" We all nervously laughed, not knowing what to say. It's just one of those questions that's the easiest, but at the same time, the hardest question to answer. We all knew that the question went beyond the surface. Cody wanted a specific answer.

"I want to do a survey with 1000-5000 people," Cody said, "asking this question, expecting people to give answers like grace, hope, joy, etc." Cody then began to tell us how these answers all benefit us as Christians. They're all selfish answers. Now, we should all long for grace, hope, and joy because God offers them to us freely for our benefit. There's nothing wrong with these answers. But why should we play favorites? What makes hope better than joy? Well, nothing. It's like what Lindsay said. Everything about Christianity works together, which is why it's so wonderful. There is no one thing that overrides everything else.

Acts 1:8 says, "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jersualem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
You see, most people stop at "you will recieve power when the Holy Spirit comes on you..." and tune out the second half of the verse. People think, "Well I just need more power from God," "I just need to be filled with the Holy Spirit." Christianity is more than just recieving. I think the layout of Acts 1:8 is in perfect alignment with God's plan for us. We can't be God's witnesses unless we recieve power from the Holy Spirit, but we shouldn't be content after recieving any power and overlook the second half of the verse. The power of the Holy Spirit is for our benefit, so that, in turn, we can be used for God's benefit. I loved it when Cody said, "There are reservations in heaven, but there are no limits to who can be invited." We are God's witnesses. It's one thing to "walk the walk" and people do take notice to how we live our lives. And living a good, strong, Christian life does have an impact. But why stop there? Let's walk and talk.

I love Christianity not only because of what it offers me, freely giving me grace, hope, salvation, joy, purpose, you fill in the blank, but because after recieving all these free gifts, I am able to return the favor to God, devoting my life to him, living unselfishly, being his witness to the ends of the earth.

So...what's your favorite part about Christianity?

I Kinda Got Lost on the Way Home

2009-06-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

Today is June 2, 2009 and that fact has absolutely no relevance to this post. Just stating a fact. Speaking of facts, my sister is 2nd in the nation for the 400meter hurdles for NAIA division two schools with a time of 1:01.02. Ya, she's pretty legit. I spent my first week of summer in St. Louis, MO watching her run. And then we drove home together, roadtrip style. Our first stop: Lubbock, TX.

Now I know what you're thinking: "Why in the world would these girls in their right minds travel south to Texas, when Washington is clearly up north?...way up north." Lubbock is my original hometown. Well, technically I was born in Milford, Delaware, but when I was two months old we made the trip down to Texas. Anywho, my sister and I ended up staying in Lubbock for a few days, reminiscing and catching up with some old friends. We went to our old school and found some of our old teachers from elementary school. Boy that was swell. Oh, and I got to see my first crush from, like, the first grade. After nine years of separation we finally got to rekindle our love for each other and we're getting married when I graduate from college, that way he can continue to work and save up some money to hopefully pay off my incredulous amount of debt...ok, so we only talked for, like, twenty minutes...without rekindling anything. Haha

The best part about going back to Lubbock was the food. Barbeque's with fresh corn on the cob and baked beans, best cheap mexican food you can find, and cheese fries. Real cheese fries. They actually bake real cheese on top of the fries instead of pouring nasty nacho cheese on top of them. And then you dip them in ranch, and you're in grease heaven.

Our next stop before home: Utah, where my brother and sister-in-law live. So, from Lubbock we were supposed to go through New Mexico and then crossing up through Colorado and all the way through Utah til we were to reach Salt Lake City. Well...on our directions, after crossing through New Mexico we were supposed to get on this on highway that led up into Colorado. What we didn't realize was that we were supposed to merge onto a different road that led up to the highway we were supposed to originally get on. So...we ended up continuing west through New Mexico...and beyond. Now, I had fallen asleep for a good hour or so and when I woke up my sister asked me to look at the atlas because we had been going west for quite a long time, she said. We were looking at the New Mexico map and couldn't find the town we were almost to, and Lindsay, panicking, said, "Turn to Arizona!" Upon turning to the Arizona map, we found we were almost to Flagstaff...which is in the middle of Arizona. My sister had driven us almost halfway through Arizona...which was about 2-3 hours off course. So we re-routed and what was supposed to take us 15hours ended up taking us 17.

The final leg home, thankfully, was only 10hours long and we didn't get off course.

Well I've been home for three days now and I have been a total bum, other than church. Church was wonderful and everyone was there. I've been able to sit down and read some good books, finally. My brother is in a talent show for school tonight. He's gonna sing. I've never really heard him sing but I know he can at least carry a good tune so I'm excited to see him show us the set of pipes he's really got.

I don't really have a devotional thought for this post and I normally always have something to go somewhere with. I'm sorry all you got to read was an update of my summer thus far (this is a shout out to you, Nathan, for a good use of the word "thus").

I also got a haircut. Nothing drastic. Just a slight trim and layers. And my birthday's in one months and 22days.

Black Out

2009-05-09T13:04:00.000-07:00

Well this is a first for me...Joplin, MO is currently on its third day without power...well, some of it is, anyway. It all started two days ago, Friday, May 8th, around seven a.m. The wind was recklessly blowing, rolls of thunder were drowing out any other sound the world may make, and flashes of lightning lit up the atmosphere for just a few passing moments. Not to mention, the sky was incredulously green: mark of a tornado.

Now, I've never been in tornado weather. My first step of action to the storm waking me up: rolling the blinds up and staring dumbly out the window in complete awe. No later than five minutes did the tornado sirens go off and everyone in the dorm was ushered to first floor to wait out the storm. I'd say we were downstairs about an hour and a half, maybe. At this point I'm texting my dad and informing him of the events taking place and he so caringly asked, "Do you have a bathtub to hide in?" Haha I laughed and reassured him that all was well and that everyone was safe in the downstairs lobby.

The storm eventually passed and the sun oddly came out. Even though we were no longer in danger of a tornado wiping us out, we were completely out of power. Some of Joplin was restored within a few hours. The school most definately was not and is still currently waiting, to this day, for the grand news that we no longer have to camp out at Panera, or Starbucks, or McAlister's for hours upon hours trying to complete homework and/or fill out study guides. Nor will we have to take cold showers anymore....or like some people, who will FINALLY get to shower for lack of desire to sit in freezing water just for the sake of being clean.

At this point, I'm not so sure we'll even have finals this week. So far, my juries for voice are scheduled for tomorrow morning at 9:20. I was supposed to have them last Friday afternoon, but well, that didn't happen. For those of you who don't know what juries are (pretty much every person who is not a music major at Ozark), it's like my final for voice, because voice is my primary focus, and I have to sing in front of the music faculty. For those who are piano or guitar primaries, they will have juries accordingly. I have four songs that I'm to memorize for the semester and when I go to juries, the faculty will pick one of my songs at random for me to sing, and then they'll critique me. It's nerve-racking sometimes (sidenote: shout out to Elizabeth Amigo). I'm also supposed to have my piano recital tommorow afternoon, plus a recital tomorrow evening that I'm supposed to attend. Oh, and in the midst of taking all my finals this week, I also have a voice recital that I'm singing in on Wednesday. But then again, we might have not finals this week. Oh, wouldn't that be nifty.

Oh, and according to my dad, whose been watching the news...from Vancouver, WA...we're supposed to have more tornado weather...here in Joplin, MO...this Thursday.

This weekend has been so crazy. The nights are really creepy in the dorms. Most people will go find places with power and hot water to stay the night, so the dorms are pretty empty and once the sun is down, the only source of light we have is that of a flashlight, or if you're outside, the moon. Luckily, we've had a full moon out two night in a row, and it has been absolutely incredible! You really don't know how bright the moon is until all other lights around are out. It really is a wonderous thing. "I am the Light of the world," said Jesus. It really doesn't matter how black it can be outside. The moon still gives light to everything. In the same way, no matter how "dark" the things of the world may seem, Jesus will one day reveal everthing evil when he returns with his light. That's my little devotional thought due to being in this situation.

Current update: my friend, Elizabeth Amigo, just recieved a text from our dorm mom. Apparently finals for tuesday are still on, even though most study guides to our finals are online. Too bad we don't have power to recieve those study guides. I mean, you can only stay in Panera, or Starbucks, or McAlister's for so long to have power. Welp, that's unfortunate for those who can't get to their study guides. Lucky for me, my Old Testament professor gave us a hard copy of the study guide for our test on Tuesday. Hooray.

Oh, and not to mention, everyone is on edge. I mean, finals are already stressful enough, but to not have power, it almost seems so devastating to most people. And frankly, it's aggravating. I can't say I've had the best attitude this weekend, but alot of tension has been built up with everyone because we allow the petty things to bother us.

But anywho, those are the events that have taken place this weekend. Ozark Christian College is still out of power. But we get pizza for dinner tonight...again. It's a good thing I like Papa Johns pizza.

Free Money!

2009-05-07T18:11:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the last day of class and finals is next week. I am almost done completing my first year in college. That's a crazy thought.

This has been one ride of a semester. So much has happened and the stress has been piled on week after week, day after day. But today was a good day....correction, today was a great day! Today was our last day to have chapel and normally that's when professors will hand out scholarships to certain individuals who excell in their schoolwork/degree. Today...I was one of those individuals...

Scott Handley, the head of the Music Department here at OCC, gets up on stage and briefly describes the scholarship: how much it's worth, how long it's credited for, and who it applies to. This scholarship is available to one freshman, going to be a sophomore; one sophomore, going to be a junior; and one junior, going to be a senior. Three in all. Nothing is registering in my mind at this point. I'm just hanging out during chapel...until, of course, my name is called. It's then I realize..."I'm a freshman, going to be a sophomore...and Scott just called my name..." (I suppose that at this point I should specify that I'm a music major) I was completely flabbergasted! Never saw it coming. I literally jumped in my seat with confusion on my face and finally stood up, and I'm pretty sure I danced my way up onto stage...well, at least it certainly felt that way!

The scholarship is only worth $400 for the entire year, but who's complaining? I just earned free money for school! And what's so incredible about it is that I was chosen by the music department for this scholarship. I didn't apply for anything and then was chosen based on my financial needs or by a persuasive letter practically begging for help. I was just...chosen...because people saw me deserving. What a blessing! I mean, I am in such financial need that every single penny counts right now. But to know that people notice your hard work and choose to reward you for it...nothing could replace that good feeling.

Upon recieving the scholarship, I was so sweetly reminded of God's provision. A few posts back, I wrote a blog on a passage from Matthew 6. Jesus is telling his listeners (and yes, it's in red letters. Prett legit) not to worry about the day, "for tomorrow will worry about itself." I never doubted God's provision, because He has always....always, always, always been faithful to my family's needs. I still need as much scholarship money as I can possibly recieve, but whose to say I'm not already taken care of? I trust God.

Oh, and also, to top the day off...the sun came out...after several days of rain...and I got to feed a couple baby colts little clovers right out of my hands and take pictures with them. That was pretty rockin-awesome.

I love being able to walk away from this semester with something good, something worth while. Even if I bomb every final...which won't happen...I study way to much for my own good...I still have that scholarship. I still have that small reminder that God's got me covered.

Have Faith in...No, No. Not You.

2009-04-10T12:53:00.000-07:00

Well....it's been a while since I've written anything, either due to the lack of time or lack of inspiration. And I've finally been inspired. Can't say i really have the time. It's 10:54pm. I would have been in bed nearly an hour ago, but I am up writing this blog anyway to tell all you who actually take the time to read what I have to say why I am up an hour past my bedtime...I just got back from seeing the dumbest movie ever.

Before I reveal the movie title, I will have you know that I was dragged into it. A couple of friends called me (whose names will remain unknown for the sake of their dignity) and asked if I wanted to get out of the dorms to see a movie with them. At first they wouldn't tell me which movie because they knew a rejection would be at stake. All I got was, "It used to be an old tv show." But after some coaxing I finally got them to tell me. I am only continuing to delay the identity of this movie just to let you know...I was dragged into it! And the entire car ride there, through buying the tickets (which I was paid for), through the commercials, and through the entire movie my very thoughts were: "I cannot believe I agreed to go see this movie. I cannot believe I am watching this movie. I've never even watched the show! Why the heck am I doing this?" And of course after the movie, through the entire car ride home, up until present as I am typing these very words my thoughts were: "You are a disappointment, Jordan. I cannot believe you just did that."

I don't even know if I have enough integrity to tell you at this point, but I will. I just spent the last hour and a half watching...oh man. I need a quick breather. Dagnabit. Ok, ok I just flippin saw "Dragon Ball." DON'T GO WATCH IT!! Lame. Lame. Lame. The plot was bad. The acting was horrendous. But then again, what was I suppose to expect? Well, I'd never seen previews for it. That helped. And the worst part of the whole movie was the whole underlying theme of "Have Faith in Yourself." Not just because it's cliche, but totally and doctrinally WRONG!

What good is it for me to have faith in me? I'm loud, obnoxious, and self conscious. Who wants to trust and 18 year old freshman in Bible college who doesn't even have the guts to say "no" since I couldn't even say no to watching this monstrosity of a movie. But then again, I wouldn't be writing this blog.

Or what about the alcoholic, or the drug addict? "Have faith in yourself." You'll get through this addiction. Uh, hello? Have faith in yourself and your addiction will only get worse. It's like a paradox or an oxymoron. I mean, if you really think about it, can faith in yourself really conquer the forces of evil? NO. But there is someone who you can put your faith in who already has defeated all that is evil.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God..." (Eph. 2:8)

There ya go. The Bible doesn't say "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith-and this is totally from yourselves." It is the darn tootin' gift of God! We are nothing without a savior. We have no life without believing Jesus is the Christ, the one who bore death on a cross and rose from the grave three days later. Tomorrow's Easter sunday. Tomorrow is the day we will remember Christ's awesomeness. Of course, we should always remember that EVERY day. But tomorrow is the day that it all started. Christ's death meant nothing until Easter sunday. And without faith in Him and believing His resurrection actually happened, we are nothing but damned to hell for eternity. That's a terrifying thought.

"Have faith in yourself..." No thanks. I have faith in Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior. And I'm gonna spend eternity rejoicing, singing, dancing, playing, smiling, laughing, jumping, loving, all because God loved me so stinkin' much that He sent his one and only son to bear my sins on a cross and I chose to believe in Him! And tomorrow I'm going to celebrate His life and my life that I have in Him!

Have a great Easter and try not to get sick off of all those chocolate eggs and bunnies.

Worry Me Not

2009-02-28T10:44:00.000-08:00

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" Matthew 6:25-27

Oh man....how often do I ever worry? haha alot. Even the petty things get me going. But one thing I have definately learned from worrying so much...it gets you absolutely nowhere. Seriously, where's the benefit of wondering if you'll be able to pay off your school bill on time, or if you'll have enough food to feed your family or friends for just one night, or even if you'll have enough pairs of clean underwear to get you through the week by the time you get paid and can FINALLY do laundry? Answer: there is no benefit.

The passage continues in verses 28-32:
"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splender was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them."

I'm a pagan...ok, not really. But in a sense I kind of am. I "run after" food (definately food), drinks, and clothing. I worry if I'll have enough packets of Easy-Mac and instant oatmeal to last me the rest of the semester. Serisouly. The college doesn't feed us Saturday mornings or Sunday mornings or afternoons, so those are my oatmeal/Easy-Mac days. Pathetic, I know, but it's not like I have the money or even a car to be eating out that much. I'm a college student with no job. BUT...I have not gone hungry one day this entire year. And as little money I have either in my wallet or my bank account, I still manage to acquire at least five dollars in quarters to do my laundry....BEFORE running out of clean underwear.

God knows my needs. Jesus said so...like, He himself declared from his very own lips that my heavenly Father is watching out for me. You can't get any more legit than that. O me of little faith. Ain't it funny how we can trust a God so powerful to save us from disasters and trust a God so gracious to have a plan for our lives, but we forget to trust a God so giving to provide food for the day? Think about it as you keep reading...

"But seek first God's kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34

Haha I just love that! The day will worry about its own stinkin' self. Man, Jesus really knew how to tell it like it was! It's like, He hears someone complaining about something, and He whips this sermon out and is like, "BOOM! Roasted!" (haha 'The Office' joke) "I gotcha' covered, so stop worrying your socks off!"

But seriously. Seek God's kingdom. Have an eternal perspective. God knows what He's doing. He has a plan laid out for us and if we just learn to follow Him, then He'll take care of our daily needs. How cool is that! I don't have to worry about not having enough food or clean underwear! Because I am taken care of.

What Does an Evangelizer Really Look Like?

2009-02-05T17:30:00.000-08:00

I'd like to dedicate this post to best friend and roommate of mine, Stephanie Pittman. Stephanie is the most social butterfly one will ever know. And I don't mean that she talks all the time. That's my job. Stephanie knows alot of people....really...ALOT. I can't remember one incident when we were out at Walmart or Target or some restaurant when Steph didn't know someone. Joplin is a small city mind you, but the concept is still so odd to me because I am from a much larger city and I very rarely ever run into people I know. But Stephanie's connections go so much deeper. Each and every person we have run into she knows on a personal level. Some moreso than others, but she is still able to have personal conversations with each person we run into. If I were in to run into someone I knew, it would be a simple, "Oh my goodness. How ironic that we're both in the same place. How are you? K, bye!" Even with my closest friends, that's how it would be.

But Stephanie. She engages, man. And I tell you what, she's got a bundle of love for everyone. But she doesn't just throw her love out to anyone and everyone. It's like she has a specific heart for every single person. She truely is affectionate to those around her. She cares. It's the most incredible thing ever.

I went with her to her job one night. She works at a place called "The Bridge." It's just a hang out place for teenagers to come, play games, and fellowship with each other. But it's more than just that. Stephanie's job description in a nutshell: hang out with kids and minister to them. All she has to do is love these broken hearts that come in left and right and show them that there is a God who cares. And she's pretty darn good at it. I've never seen someone so passionate for youth. She makes evangelizing look so easy.

A friend of mine gave me a passage that he had wanted to do a sermon on in Romans 12 and when I read the following verses, I instantly thought of Stephanie:

"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality." Ro. 12:9-13

This is what Stephanie does on a daily basis! All she ever does is show interest in people's lives and she invests. She takes the time to get to know someone and loves them, truely, sincerely love them, with everything she has. There are so many Bridge kids (kids from her work) that have awful lives, whether it be abuse, addicitons, sexual activity (13yr olds getting drunk and having sex!), suicide attempts (Steph has come home on numerous occasions and tells of another kid/kids who tried to commit suicide that night) and her heart becomes broken. I see so much passion in her eyes and a desire to reach out to these kids and tell them that she and God loves them. All she sincerely wants is for her Bridge kids to be making wise decisions and leading better lives.

I remember one night, my first semester in college, Stephanie and I were just starting to get to know each other (this was about 2 months into the semester). We played soccer together, but other than that, we never really saw each other much. Well, we were in the lobby of our dorm with a few other people just chatting it up and having a jolly old time. Stephanie decides to grab her guitar and have a mini jam session with the people there. (Side note: I'm a music major with voice as my primary). Steph starts to play and sing songs and we all join in and at some point Stephanie explodes! She would look at me like I'm crazy or something and then she started to compliment my voice, but with such expression! I barely knew this girl and here she was, showing interest in my talents! I have never felt so good about myself. Ever since then, Stephanie has been so supportive of my major and my desire to one day be a worship minister.

I could go on and on and on...and on...and on about how amazing this girl is. I am truely blessed to have her in my life. Stephanie is the most influential person ever and that is no overstatement. She is the perfect example of what a true follower of Christ/evangalizer is.

Stephanie, I love you with all of my heart. Thank you for being my friend and for holding me accountable. I pray that the Lord blesses you abundantely. I know He has great plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11). You rock my socks, girl.

Joyful Trials

2009-01-30T16:01:00.000-08:00

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test , he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:2-4, 12

This is my favorite passage in the Bible, not just because it's good stuff, but because it outlines the pattern of mine and my family's life. These words speak volumes to me.

When I was in the third grade (I was living in Lubbock, TX at this point) the Sr. pastor at our church left....followed by roughly 76% of our congregation. Because our church was so large, we were not able to keep paying many of the staff members due to loss of tithes and offerings. My dad was one of those staff members as an Associates Pastor. But this was only the beginning of a new journey for the Reinhardt family.

Soon after my dad was released from the staff my parents felt a call to Vancouver, WA. We moved and for the first 13 months in a new home both of my parents were unemployed. Yet, God had provided a way for us to live. And I don't mean just off of scraps. We had a home, plenty of food, and yes, money for fun.

Moving along...ever since our move, up through highschool, I had personally struggled with relationships. I had a hard time making friends and keeping the ones I had. To top it off, I had two older sisters...which resulted in low self-esteem. Even though I eventually broke free from the comparison game and finally became my own person, I still didn't have strong, healthy, memorable relationships. The only real support I ever recieved was from my family and my home church. So pretty much I was getting alot of encouragement from youth leaders, pastors, influential older people. All of it was and still is very appreciated, but I didn't have the same support and love coming from my peers.

But God still had a plan. He called me to the field of ministry and gave me a heart of worship. I came to Ozark and everything has been uphill since then. My dad has recently founded his own ministry known as "Dweller at the Thicket Ministries" and has yet to begin writing ten books that God has placed on his heart. Not to mention, the Lord has saved our family from financial ruts numerous times. We've all suffered our part. And we've all overcome.

So, "consider is pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds..." Persevere and recieve the crown of life that God has promised. He has saved me oh so many times and I know he will continue to do so. And let this be an encouragement to you. I know that times get hard and almost unbearable. Things will seem impossible. My life is living proof that nothing is impossible. Cliche, I know. Just be joyful always and matters will become easier. Not easy, but easier. But God brings peace and fulfillment. And He has a crown awaiting you...

You Are What You Worship

2009-01-28T18:36:00.000-08:00

While I was home over Christmas break I picked up a tiny blue book called "The Air I Breathe: Life as a Way of Worship" by Louie Giglio (I strongly recommend this book). Within less than 100 pages, Giglio explains that we were created by God to worship (Him, of course). We are naturally motivated to worship; it's a drive inside of us that cannot be denied. Now, here's the catch: God gave us free will. Not to choose to worship or choose not to worship, but what to worship. We all worship something. One of my favorite quotes from Giglio's book is this: "We become what we worship. If you don't like who you're becoming, take a quick inventory of the things on the throne of your heart."

So, who are you? In other words, what do you worship? When you find the answer to both these questions, ask yourself this, "Do I have a good life?"

When I came back to school fromChristmas break, the pastor at the church I attend in Joplin started a sermon series, beginning with worship. He pretty much regurgitated Giglio, but then said this (and this is my paraphrase of what he said): "When we worship as a way of life then we fall on our knees in complete humility and bask in the presence of God." We were created to worship God! Worshiping anything else, not only belittles God in your heart, but it brings instant gratification. Worship God brings eternal satisfaction! Psalm 96: 4-6, 9 says,

"For great is the Lord and most worthy of praise;

he is to be feared above all gods. For all the gods of the nations are idols,

but the Lord made the heavens.

Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and glory are in his sanctuary...

Worship the Lord in the splendor of his holiness..."

When we worship the things of this world, we are worshiping idols. An idol, according to dictionary.com is "An image of a divinity; a representation or symbol of a deity or any other being or thing, made or used as an object of worship; a similitude of a false god." (italics added) But God made the heavens and the earth! Splendor and majesty are before Him! He is splendor and majesty! Why worship man-made stuff? Worship something that will bring you eternal joy and everlasting peace. When you come to worship God, he will bring you relief. Now doesn't that just sound peachy? And I don't mean to ask that sarcastically. Life is good because God gave us life and our way of life is to worship...HIM.

Sickly Blessed

2009-01-28T08:41:00.000-08:00

So yesterday classes were canceled because of an ice storm that came in the other night, and today classes were canceled again because of all the snow we got yesterday. I'm pretty thankful 1) because I didn't have to take a test yesterday at 7am, 2) I got sick yesterday and am still a little under the weather today (and I was supposed to have six classes today!). The only bum part is that the entire campus, other than the Student Center and the Caf, is closed, meaning I can't put in practice hours for voice or piano.

Anywho, yesterday I was sweetly reminded of the kindness and generosity of the students here at OCC. I only have a cold, but I was feeling pretty darn crummy yesterday. People obviously took notice that I wasn't myself because I am generally a loud and energy-filled person. This was not the case yesterday. But instead of the typical, "Are you sick? Hope you feel better" and then just walk away vibe, I was greeted with "Jordan, are you feeling alright? What is it that you have? And is there anything I can do to help? I have medicine!" And this wasn't just coming from my close friends. Nearly every other person around me was showing complete sincere concern. The girls on my floor offered me airborne, tea, sudafed, nightquil. Another girl in our dorm lent me some honey for my tea. Even the guys were showing concern! One of my friends, Jim Landis, would frequently call or text me just to check up on me and to see how I was feeling.

Seriously, the people here take the time and effort to get to know each other, to invest in each others lives. The people here really do care from the core. And I am so blessed by it. Back at home I didn't have true relationships. Not even one person that I could run to and spill everything without the fear of being judged or rejected (except for my parents and youth leaders). Not one person among my peers...until I came here. And now I have so much love around me, that I don't even know what to do with it!

My point in all of this to say...love people. Show concern. Invest in each other. You truly don't know what a blessing you could be. I can't tell you how good I feel, despite this blasted cold. Every heard the phrase, "Never frown because you never know you may be falling in love with you smile"? Well my version of that for this scenario, "Never stop caring because you never know whose life you could be touching." If you're going to ask someone how they're feeling, dont just respond to their answer with "well, I hope you feel better", or, "I hope things work out for you." NO! Dont pretend to care because doing that is being transparent. People will see right through you. If you really care...prove it.

The Birth of the Midnight Burritos

2009-01-27T22:48:00.001-08:00

So I've never done this kind of thing before: writing about my thoughts. I was inspired by some fellow OCC students: Jim, David, Tom, and Charlie to start my own blog when I started reading theirs. And I'm sure you're wondering about the burrito title. I just ate one. And it's midnight. I couldn't think of a title and David gave me "Midnight Burritos" (since he and Charlie just bought me one) to "commemorate the night of its birth." I thought it was pretty nifty.

Anywho, since I'm a first timer and it is now past midnight, I don't really have much to write about. It's what? Three hours past my bedtime? I'm not a night person. I've always been an early riser. Some of my best memories are spent at 8am with my parents on the back porch, cup of coffee in hand, and a plethora of thoughts and questions discussed together, all which will be saved for future blogs when I'm not half asleep. My dad's an intelligent man and chalk-full of wisdom. And my mom's quite the encourager. It stinks being so far away from them alot of times (I'm from Vancouver, WA, by the way, but am currently in Joplin, MO attending Ozark Christian College).

Well then, I am definately about to fall asleep on my keyboard.
Hey, look! My first blog ever!