Consider it Joy

I really need to get better with this whole blogging thing.

A few weeks ago my mom sent me a devotional book to help me with my personal time with God. It has a devotion for each day of the year and each one is written as if Jesus himself were talking to you. Now, I've always been skeptical of devotional books because they always seem, to me, cliche and soft, not really full of depth.

But from day one of reading this devotional book, I have been continually comforted and inspired by its words.

A couple weeks ago, on December 9th, my Grandma Dawn passed away. It was unexpected and we're unsure of what the cause of death was. These past couple weeks have been very emotional and exhausting for our family.

The day after her death I opened up my little book and read it's comforting contents:

"Make Me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counter-productive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.

Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven."

And I completely broke down. Part of my struggle with my grandma's death is thinking of my relationship with her over the past few years. When I was younger I would ride my bike to Grandma Dawn's house numerous days of the week. And in the summer I spent the night at least once a week. I just wanted to be with her all the time. We loved each other and made some great memories together. But the past few years have been different. I didn't love her any less, but I wasn't willing to spend much time with her. She eventually moved the latter half of my Senior year in high school to Louisianna where my uncle lives because we were unable to take care of her any longer.

I rarely called and it was always under the impulse of my mom telling me to. I can't even remember the last time I called her or what we even talked about. It kills me that I never maintained our relationship. I know Grandma Dawn always loved me and she knew I loved her, but I also know that she would have liked a phone call every now and then.

And I know that she is now in heaven rejoicing, dancing, singing, loving, playing, laughing with Jesus.

And it's in these times when Jesus is begging us to lean on him, because in the most rough times in our lives, we see Him most clearly.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

This doesn't mean that when bad things happen to be happy because they happen. "Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My presence."

These past couple weeks have been really hard, but I have found myself in God's presence and have experienced the peace it brings. "When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me."

"Make Me the focal point of your search for security..."