Consider it Joy

I really need to get better with this whole blogging thing.

A few weeks ago my mom sent me a devotional book to help me with my personal time with God. It has a devotion for each day of the year and each one is written as if Jesus himself were talking to you. Now, I've always been skeptical of devotional books because they always seem, to me, cliche and soft, not really full of depth.

But from day one of reading this devotional book, I have been continually comforted and inspired by its words.

A couple weeks ago, on December 9th, my Grandma Dawn passed away. It was unexpected and we're unsure of what the cause of death was. These past couple weeks have been very emotional and exhausting for our family.

The day after her death I opened up my little book and read it's comforting contents:

"Make Me the focal point of your search for security. In your private thoughts, you are still trying to order your world so that it is predictable and feels safe. Not only is this an impossible goal, but it is also counter-productive to spiritual growth. When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me.

Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My presence. In the darkness of adversity, you are able to see more clearly the radiance of My face. Accept the value of problems in this life, considering them pure joy. Remember that you have an eternity of trouble-free living awaiting you in heaven."

And I completely broke down. Part of my struggle with my grandma's death is thinking of my relationship with her over the past few years. When I was younger I would ride my bike to Grandma Dawn's house numerous days of the week. And in the summer I spent the night at least once a week. I just wanted to be with her all the time. We loved each other and made some great memories together. But the past few years have been different. I didn't love her any less, but I wasn't willing to spend much time with her. She eventually moved the latter half of my Senior year in high school to Louisianna where my uncle lives because we were unable to take care of her any longer.

I rarely called and it was always under the impulse of my mom telling me to. I can't even remember the last time I called her or what we even talked about. It kills me that I never maintained our relationship. I know Grandma Dawn always loved me and she knew I loved her, but I also know that she would have liked a phone call every now and then.

And I know that she is now in heaven rejoicing, dancing, singing, loving, playing, laughing with Jesus.

And it's in these times when Jesus is begging us to lean on him, because in the most rough times in our lives, we see Him most clearly.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, when you face trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

This doesn't mean that when bad things happen to be happy because they happen. "Instead of yearning for a problem-free life, rejoice that trouble can highlight your awareness of My presence."

These past couple weeks have been really hard, but I have found myself in God's presence and have experienced the peace it brings. "When your private world feels unsteady and you grip My hand for support, you are living in conscious dependence on Me."

"Make Me the focal point of your search for security..."

You Can't See Your Feet at the Table

The other day I was reading through 2nd Samuel 9, which is the story about David and Mephibosheth. Before I go into detail about the story, it might help to have some background about Mephibosheth. The first time he is mentioned in the Bible is in 2nd Samuel 4:4, shortly after Saul's death: "(Jonathan son of Saul had a son who was lame in both feet. He was five years old when the news of Saul and Jonathan came from Jezreel. His nurse picked him up and fled, but as she hurried to leave, he fell and became crippled. His name was Mephibosheth.)"

This verse is in parenthesis for a reason. If you read through the first few chapters of 2nd Samuel, you will find that this verse is somewhat irrelevant to what is currently going on...until we come to chapter nine.
My dad did a sermon on 2nd Samuel 9 a couple years ago and after I recently read this story I searched for my sermon notes with the desire to recall the astounding message hidden within the text.

Now, David was anointed king over Judah in 2nd Samuel 2 and from then on, there was war between the houses of David and Saul. The house of David always defeated the house of Saul. We come to chapter nine and David asked if there was anyone of the house of Saul whom he could show kindness to for Jonathan's (Saul's son and David's best friend) sake. Ziba, a servant of Saul's household, told David about Mephibosheth.

I will let the Scriptures tell you the rest of the story, starting in vs. 5 of 2nd Samuel 9:
"So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel. 6 When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor. David said, 'Mephibosheth!' 'Your servant,' he replied. 7 'Don't be afraid,' David said to him, 'for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.' 8 Mephibosheth bowed down and said, 'What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?'. . . 11b So Mephibosheth ate at David's table like one of the king's sons. 12 Mephibosheth had a young son named Mica, and all the members of Ziba's household were servants of Mephibosheth. 13 And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king's table, and he was crippled in both feet."

The first point to be made here is that we are born enemies of Christ. Mephibosheth was a direct descendant of Saul. Saul had made David his enemy and pursued him consistently, wanting him dead. And from then on, there was consant warfare between the house of Saul and the house of David. However, Christ still pursues us just as David pursued Mephibosheth, wanting to show him kindness. In the same way, we are to pursue our enemies.

Second of all, God calls us by name and tells us not to fear. Mephibosheth's name means "shameful speech from my mouth." He did not have an honoring name whatsoever. It was shameful. But David called out to him, "Mephibosheth! Don't be afraid!" This indicates that Mephibosheth was afraid of David...I would be too if my grandfather tried to kill the king who just summoned me. Mephibosheth didn't deserve David's kindness. But because David loved his father, Jonathan, he wanted to show his household kindness. Like David, Christ is calling out to us, "Shameful one! Don't be afraid for I will surely show you kindness." We don't deserve God's kindness but because he loves us, he seeks us out and gives it to us anyways.

Next we see that, not only does God save us, but he also restores our heritance and our dignity. Mephibosheth was living in Lo Debar, which was a place of hiding, for he feared for his life because his grandfather was dead and David was now king. David had him brought to Jerusalem and promised to restore to him the land that belonged to Saul AND he promised Mephibosheth that he would eat at his table. David saved Mephibosheth from his place of hiding and restored everything to him and restored his dignity by letting him eat at his table. How many times does Christ do this for us also?

The blessing: Once we're invited to the table, it's our place to always come to. Mephibosheth always ate at David's table. Once Christ invites us into his kingdom, we are always welcome and are never banished.

The awesomeness doesn't end there though. There are a few more key points to be drawn from this passage:
1) We start fallen/crippled
2) We can't walk into the kingdon, we have to be brought
3) We can't walk in the king's presence on our own
4) This one's my favorite: While we're at the table we can't see our feet (our shame). Mephibosheth was a member of a deposed dynasty, but the "embarrasement" of having him, a cripple, in the royal courts did not in any way affect David's gracious treatment towards him.

Be encouraged by this as I was. Next Thursday is Thanksgiving. I am thankful that God loves me so much to show me his kindness and to carry me into his kingdom in my fallen state.

I Couldn't Think Of A Creative Title To Go With This Post

This is my second post of the entire semester. I apologize to my dedicated fans (all three of you) for not staying updated. I have a problem, not so much with time, cause I can always find some time during the week to blog, but with finding inspiration. I'm not a very creative person so I can't just think of something to ramble about and, in turn, I don't write. Hopefully you all have forgiven me and will continue to read my blog.

This semester, for me, has been very...different. For those of you who don't know, I am a music major at Ozark Christian College. Most of my classes are music oriented and I spend most of my free time in the chapel putting in practice hours for voice and piano. Even though my life may seem to revolve around nothing other than music, I still have the privilage to escape my dungeon (the basement of the chapel) and take Bible classes. However, this semester, as previously stated, is different.

Out of my nine classes, six of them are music oriented and the other three, (Speech, Small Group Leadership, and Worship) unfortunately, are NOT Bible classes. While I don't get to enjoy writing five term papers due on the same day and memorizing half of the Bible for just one class, I don't get to learn about the Bible at all. An entire semester doing nothing but practically living in the chapel and writing a speech or two...I go to a Bible college, live with 91 Godly women, and I even go to church every Sunday and Wednesday. And yet, I somehow have felt so spiritually dry this entire semester.

Until recently I've blamed being "dry" on not having any Bible classes. But to tell you the truth, as a 19 year old sophomore in Bible college, I struggle with daily devotions and a consistant prayer life. And I've finally obtained the guts to admit it.

"Oh, but you're a 19 year old sophomore in Bible college! What's you're problem?! You're not a good Christian...." That's about how awesome I feel sometimes. And here's the thing, I don't have a problem with wanting to read the Bible and pray because when I do I feel so refreshed and awesome. I just have a problem with actually doing it. And I don't really have an excuse. I could say that I'm really busy and exhausted with school, cause I actually am, but that's no excuse for not reading God's Word and praying to my Heavenly Father and for having a deeper relationship with him. Nothing is more important than my relationship with God. Not even school.

So along with feeling spiritually barren, these past few weeks I have been really, and I mean really, exhausted. It doesn't matter if I get enough sleep, because I'm a grandma who goes to bed no later than 10:30 every night, but I never get enough rest anymore. And I'm not just tired, my body is always aching and my muscles are tense. I have physically been taking a toll like none other. But here's the thing. I get enough sleep every night. And I've come to realize that, even though I sleep sufficient hours, but still get no rest, is because I'm spiritually barren. I am so exhausted because I haven't been spending time in the Word and praying. School and work wear me out so much, and instead of seeking God and asking him for rest...I do nothing. And the devil has taken the opportunity to attack me with exhaustion and physical pain.

I write this post not only to encourage you to be NOT like me, but also to hold me accountable. It takes 21 days to develop a habit. So for the next 21 days I need your help. Call me, text me, or if you see me in passing, ask me if I've done my devotions for the day. This is going to be the start of deepening my relationship with Christ. I've been meaning to do it for years and I'm tired of putting it off and I'm tired of suffering for it.

And always remember that no matter how crazy life gets, be sure to devote time EVERY day to God (do as I say, not as I do). You may need to study for a test or write a paper, but honestly, you're relationship with Christ is so much more important. What's one "F" anyways? At least you know you've got a God you can rely on and know that you will one day get to spend eternity with Him (and I don't mean to say that lightly). So if you, too, struggle with spending time reading your Bible and praying every day, then I challenge you to join me for the next 21 days in developing a deeper and better relationship with God and watch as 21 days turn into every day for the rest of our lives.

Speaking with Bold Assurance

In Speech class, everyday we have speeches, our professor will assign "tasks" to those who don't speak on that specific day. The tasks consist of: timer, grammarian, word of the day, and joke of the day. Last week, on the speech day that I was not speaking, I was assigned joke of the day. Here it is: "Two drums and a cymbal fell off a cliff...*Bu-dum-tch!*"

So I have to read this book for Speech class: Speaking with Bold Assurance. I can't say it's one of my favorite reads. Can't say it's one of least favorites either. It's pretty easy and fast-paced, it has good pointers, but it's all information that I've already learned in the classroom, or information that I've had natural assumptions on when it comes to speaking. So all in all, I'm not that interested in this book.

But I just finished a chapter that discussed the importance of getting your audience to believe you. It mainly focuses on the visual and vocal attributes of giving a speech: If your expressions and tone don't match the words you're delivering, then people will see you as inconsistant and won't believe anything you say...This is one of those things I had a natural assumption on because I've seen speakers give presentations that were a total bust because they spoke in monotone and were expressionless.

This book isn't just a book about giving a good speech, though. It's a book that's targeted towards Christians. It tells you how to give a good speech, and then applys it to the Christian life.

Back to the chapter I just finished...in the midst of all these pointers on the importance of visual aids and vocal variety to match the words you are speaking, there is a story:

"J. Sidlow Baxter, a Christian writer and pastor, told the story of a lady named Beatrice Cleland, who had been won to Christ by the man who later served as her pastor. Reflecting on how God had used this man to help her find Jesus, she wrote a poem that encapsulates the way God uses human means for divine purposes.
"'Not only by the words you say
Not only by your deeds confessed
But in the most unconscious way
Is Christ expressed.
Was is a beatific smile
Or holy light upon your brow?
Oh, no. I felt His presence
When you laughed just now.
For me 'twas not the truth you taught
To you so clear, to me so dim,
But when you came to me
You brought a sense of Him.
And from your eyes He beckons me.
And from your lips His love is shed
Till I lose sight of you
And see the Christ instead.'"

After fifty-four and a half pages of, what was to me, dull and dry reading, I came across this poem. This book finally meant something to me. I finally took to heart the purpose of this book.

Matthew 5:14-16
"You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see (emphasis added) your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven."

We Christians hear it all the time: "Love people and show them Christ through your actions!" We hear this so often that it becomes an annoyance...which is disheartening because the understood truth that the most effective way to show Christ through our deeds still remains. Of course, we still need our words. But our words mean nothing if we don't have trust. They're meaningless and send the wrong message if our tone and expressions, and most of all, our hearts don't match up with them.

We show people Christ's love in our good deeds to earn their trust and once we've earned that trust, people will believe our words...if the profound truth of our words are delivered with passion and if that same truth is shown in our tone and expressions. As the poem said:
"But when you came to me
You brought a sense of Him.
And from your eyes He beckons me.
And from your lips His love is shed
Till I lose sight of you
And see the Christ instead."

Summer's Out for the School Year!

Well, the summer is nearing to an end. In exactly a week from today, I will be back on OCC grounds. Let's see, how should I spend my last days of summer? OH yes, most of it will be spent driving. My sister and I leave early tomorrow morning to begin our long journey back to Joplin, MO. It's really crazy to think sometimes, how fast time just flies. I spent this summer at home reading books, learning to wakeboard, being a youth leader and going to camps, turning the big 19, hanging out with little kids at the science museum, working on a farm, and spending loads of time with the family. I spent even more time laying around the house and doing almost nothing. But you know, sometimes it's good to do nothing.

Now if you want to get all spiritual on me and tell me that I need to make the most of every day, then go ahead. I realize that there's lots more I could be doing other than just sitting at home, but I think it's good to have time to ourselves. I just spent an entire year on nothing but working my tailbone off trying to get good grades and become a better singer and make lots of friends and such. This summer has been good for me because I got to rest (something I lack when having a schedule). There were times this past year when I felt that I was doing nothing but my school work. I felt I never had time for myself. I know that's not necessarily true because I did spend a considerable amount of time with my friends and what-not, but at the end of each activity I ever did, I always had more homework to attend to. I was exhausted most of the time.

And I finally got to rest this summer. I finally got to do whatever it was that I wanted to do. I spent alot of time at home thinking. I like to think about life and stuff, and sometimes thinking about such things, for me at least, requires no agenda. At school, there was always an agenda and the things I normally thought about were "When am I ever going to find time to study for tomorrow's test?" or "To do homework? Or not to do homework?" I almost always ended up doing my homework. Just ask my old roommate, Stephanie. Sometimes she'd get onto me for always doing homework. She'd tell me I needed to get a life or something. And you know what, alot of the times she told me to stop doing homework, I should have. Stephanie didn't want me to do bad in school or anything, but she became concerned about my well being because I never gave myself time to do something other than homework.

And these past few months I didn't have one ounce of homework to worry about. Woohoo! I had all the time in the world to be worry-free and to enjoy time with myself.

While the summer has been quite the vacay, I am so ready at this point to be back at school. As much as I love doing nothing, I love the feeling of having work to do, having goals to accomplish, even if the goal is to simply get an A on tomorrow's test. I love to be driven. I am so excited to learn even more this year: to become a better disciple, a better musician, a better person. I can't wait to see all my old friends and to make new ones.

God really showed up this past year at school in the midst of my busy schedule and he showed up this summer in the midst of doing nothing. No matter what I'm doing, whether it's homework or sitting at home reading a book, God still shows up. I wonder how he'll do it this time around.

I Thought Church Was Supposed to be on Sundays

So this entire summer I've really stressed out about this coming year's tuition for school. I didn't recieve the same amount of scholarships this year as I did last year. In fact I recieved about $3000 less than last year. And I wasn't sure what my loans would cover. And I wasn't sure that I'd be getting an on-campus job to help pay off my tuition, and I don't have a car to go get a job off-campus. Seriously, this whole summer I'd freak out every time I thought about it. Now, I always trust God to provide, because he always has. But it's still scary living in that moment when you don't have anything and you don't know what you're gonna do about it when you've already done everythig you can. But last Friday, when I came home from camp, God releaved my spirit with the news that the only money I owe the school for next semester is just under $900, plus books of course. Most of my tuition is covered in loans, but I'm ok with that right now. I recieved almost $4,000 in a PELL Grant, $560 for the Trustees Scholarship, and $200 for my Music scholarship. That's about a third of my tuition, money I don't have to pay back, covered not only for this fall semester, but those same amounts will be applied the for spring semester. Woohoo!

I say all of this because this morning, our worship minister, Pastor Deborah, preached. One of the things she said that just hit home with me was this: "Sometimes our faith is the only thing that will carry us through our fear." The Lord is my Jehovah Jirah. I always knew he'd take care of me and I always pray that he would, but that doesn't mean I'm not afraid at times. Noah wasn't fearless when God called him to build the ark. But he obeyed and practiced out his faith, and he and his family lived through the flood.

This has nothing to do with what I initially wanted to blog about, but I thought I'd just share my testimony with you.

After a wonderful service this morning, my family took me out for a birthday lunch to my favorite Mexican restaurant (even though my birthday was two days ago) and one of our family friends joined us as well.

In the midst of being merry and gay, and laughing joyously with each other, we ended up discussing the whole issue of church services being organized, being put into a time slot. There's a time for fellowship, a time for worship, a time for the message, even a time for the announcments and offering. Anything before or after is just inconvenience, and if one thing extends its time slot, then people become aggitated. "Come on, let's move on to the next thing already. I've worshiped long enough." The problem with having a set time for church services is that it hinders us from being the church outside of the service. Once the alloted time for church is up, then its time for Sunday lunch, then maybe a nap. And then Monday comes. Then Tuesday, then Wednesday, etc. etc...until Sunday roles around again: "Ok, time for church! It's time for worship. Time for the message. Ok, church is over." The service may end, but church should never be over. And when we develop a habit of having a time "slot" for prayer, and a time "slot" for worship, and a time "slot" for the Word, etc. then we develop a habit of ending prayer, ending worship, and ending the sermon until the next time for those things come around.

Now, I'm not saying that we should have a continuous church service 24/7, because we have jobs and school to go to, sports events to attend, homework to do, "places to go and people to see." But we should never stop being the church, even when the service is over. We should never stop praying, or worshiping, or diving into the Word. When we grow, the church grows, and the church can't grow only on Sunday mornings.

I was talking to a friend of mine after a chapel service last semester. Chapel that morning went about ten minutes over its alloted time so students had about two minutes to rush to their next class. He told me that the worship and sermon time for chapel should each be about twenty minutes long. That way people don't get bored and aggitated, worrying whether or not they'll to get to class on time, and whatnot. After he said this I asked him, "Well what if the worship pastor or speaker was lead by the Spirit to keep going?" This was his response (my paraphrase), "That doesn't mean that everyone else is going to feel led." I didn't know how to reply then, but through our discussion today I realized that that is why we have worship leaders and pastors. The Spirit leads them to help lead other people. If the Spirit gives a word to a pastor at the end of his sermon that would cause him to speak for an extra ten minutes, why on earth would the church become upset? Just because he should have ended ten minutes ago? We obviously would have needed the word, being that it's from God, and we're going to ignore it and be upset about it just because our Sunday afternoon naps would have been ten minutes shorter?

I wonder what kind of things would happen if we showed up to church on Sunday morning and we allowed the Spirit to completely take over and to lead the worship leader, the pastor, and yes, the body, as he felt needed. Somtimes it might take thirty minutes. And sometimes it might take three hours. But imagine how it would translate into our church lives outside of the church service. If we planned our lives around God, instead of planning God into our lives, then we would be allowing the Holy Spirit to move in and through us Monday through Saturday, and not just on Sunday. We would pray and worship continually, and we would devour the Bible.

The church service is for Christians to pray, worship, and to listen to the Word together, to build community and relationships with one another, to hold each other accountable. But if we only give God an hour and a half of our time one day out of the week to do all of this, and to not let him do it all on his time, then how are we going to sqeeze him into our own time Monday through Saturday when we don't have an alloted time for church. When we give God the freedon to lead us on Sunday mornings, then it'll become so much easier to give him the freedom to lead us Monday through Saturday.

I Touched a Cow Tongue at Camp

Last night I returned from my second week at Silver Lake Camp and I'm still recovering from lack of sleep. I can only imagine how all my friends who did camp teams this summer feel after eight weeks of camp. These past two weeks have been absolutely incredible. They have to be some of my favorite memories of this summer.

It was so much fun going back to the same camp that I went to as a student for four years. I got to see some people that I haven't seen since the first time we met at camp. And then I met some new people who are friends with one of my friends, whom I first met at Silver Lake. Small world. And then there were the people I met who I never knew before hand, like the NYMI's (Northwest Youth Ministry Interns). They were fantastic: Mo, Jen, Jessica, and Carl all made these past two weeks even more fun for me.

I can't really decide if I liked Jr. High or High School camp better. I liked them both for different reasons. The Jr. Highers clung to the leaders because they think we're the coolest thing since sliced bread, so I was able to connect really well with the students. The Highschoolers were more independent, but it gave me the opportunity to better connect with the leaders. And both Jr. Highers and Highschoolers are passionate...and loaded with cash. Every year at camp we have a "Speed the Light" offering. Speed the Light is an organization that provides food, vehicles, and anything else for missionaries overseas and for the countries that they are in. At Jr. High camp we raised over $4000...and we had less than 300 students that week! We had about 100 more students at Sr. High camp, so the offering was a little bigger...$7000 even!

It was incredible to watch these kids give and empty out their wallets for missionaries. Even more so, it was awesome to watch them worship, to rededicate their lives to Christ, and for some, to accept Christ into their lives for the first time, all over the course of five days. And I loved that I got to be a part of it. Camp is so different when you're a student vs. a leader, and I'm so glad that I got to experience both positions. I absolutely loved camp as a student and going back as a leader, not only made me reminisce, but it helped me relate to the students better and it allowed me to grow passionate for youth. I never thought that I would be working with youth when God called me into ministry. It's not that I wasn't open to the idea, or that I didn't think that it wouldn't happen, I just never pictured myself doing it. My passion and calling is worship. But I gotta say, youth kids are awesome! Now, I'm not going to change my major or anything, but I definately wouldn't mind working with youth for a season...maybe even just lead worship for them.

God did some pretty incredible things these past two weeks. My younger brother made me boohoo like crazy last Wednesday night when the students were given the opportunity to share their testimony at the end of the service. He got up and started preachin' to the choir!...well not really, but what he said was touching. He's grown up so much. *tear*

Not to mention, camp was SO fun outside of service as well! We played some crazy games like tug-o-war in a mud pit, Japanese capture the flag, and cow tongue slip-n-slide relay. That's right, cow tongue. It was repulsive. I also went inner tubing, did the zipline, played in the volleyball and ultimate frisbee tournaments, and got a henna tattoo. And my team this last week, team Orange, aka AFGANASTAN!! (that's for my fellow campers who know what I'm talking about) won 2nd place for all the games and activities, so we got free pizza. Woohoo!

And to end the two weeks with a bang, I spent my 19th birthday in a van for six hours with a bunch of highschoolers. But I got strawberry flavored milk mix, three bucks and a quarter, and rolos...that ended up melting. And when I got home last night, my mom took me to go pick up a cake, but I wasn't in the mood for cake, not even on my birthday. So we're saving it for tonight. I still don't feel a year older. I don't even feel like I had a birhtday. Oh well. Maybe next year it'll be different.